SEPTEMBER 14, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: Martin Demands Survey on Draft Need. Impact: If Martin hadn't pushed for that survey, we might still be debating whether the earth is flat or not. Instead, we got a world where every leader feels the need to conduct surveys, leading to endless polls about how much people love pineapple on pizza.. Fact: Did you know that surveys often reveal that 98% of the population has no idea what the survey is about? It's true! Just ask them..
• Headline: Record-Breaking Bill Sales in 1943. Impact: The sale of these bills was so monumental that it led to the creation of the world's most confusing accounting system—known as 'Government Accounting'—where no one really knows where the money goes, but everyone is more than happy to spend it.. Fact: Fun fact: $1 billion is a lot of money, but $1,008,342,000 is just a way of saying 'I can't be bothered to round up.'.
• Headline: Bumper Potato Harvest in New England. Impact: The bumper potato crop led to a potato craze that inspired a new diet fad: 'Potato-Only Tuesdays.' This now has people questioning whether they can survive solely on starch—hint: they can’t.. Fact: Did you know that potatoes were once considered so valuable that they were used as a form of currency? Imagine trying to pay for your coffee with a sack of spuds!.
• Headline: FOOD PRICE SAVINGS, 2% LIVING COST CUT, ORDERED BY OPA; Transportation Subsidies and Buy-and-Sell System Will Be Used in New Control FRUITS, VEGETABLES FIRST Bowles Also Reveals Change in Legal Branch and Simplification of Regulations FOOD PRICE SAVINGS ORDERED BY OPA. Impact: This monumental price cut led to the great 'Banana Wars' of the future, where citizens fought over the last ripe banana as prices skyrocketed due to supply chain issues. Thanks, OPA!. Fact: Did you know that 2% savings on food prices means you can afford to eat out once a month? If you're lucky!.
• Headline: UTILITY PLAN APPROVED; North American Co. Subsidiary to Distribute Its Assets. Impact: This utility plan approval set off a chain reaction of 'asset distribution parties'—where people gathered to redistribute their Netflix passwords and kitchen gadgets instead of actual utilities.. Fact: Fun fact: Utility companies are the original hoarders—ever tried to get them to come out and fix something? It's like pulling teeth!.
• Headline: SURVEYS NEWSPRINT AS NEW CUT NEARS; WPB Says Data on Dailies Are Needed Urgently for the Division of Supplies WOODS WORK ESSENTIAL Employes' Position Is Clarified by Committee -- Other War Agency Action SURVEY NEWSPRINT AS NEW CUT NEARS. Impact: This push for data led to an entire generation of journalists being trained in the ancient art of 'filling space with vague phrases'—a skill that remains vital in newsrooms today.. Fact: Did you know that 'newsprint' was once just referred to as 'paper'? Now it's like the fancy cousin that shows up at family gatherings, sipping sparkling water..
• Headline: WRIT IN AURELIO CASE SERVED ON VOTE BOARD; Its Records to Be Produced in Court on Thursday. Impact: The legal battles over the Aurelio case set a precedent for future politicians to discover that serving a writ in a courtroom is just like those high school drama auditions—everyone’s auditioning for the role of 'most innocent.'. Fact: Did you know that court documents have more drama than daytime soap operas? Who needs TV when you can read about politics?.
• Headline: POST-WAR REVIVAL OF EDUCATION AIM; Scholars of Allied Nations Meet at Harpers Ferry to Plan International Efforts TO AID WAR-TORN LANDS Organization to Cooperate Efforts for Re-establishing Schools Will Be Planned. Impact: The focus on education revival led to the unfortunate invention of standardized testing—because nothing screams 'we care about your future' like a bubble sheet.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more difficult to pass than standardized tests is getting people to agree on what to teach in schools?.
• Headline: NOBLE SELLS WMCA TO NATHAN STRAUS; Former U.S. Housing Chief to Devote Entire Time to the Station's Management PRICE PUT AT $1,255,000 Ownership of Blue Network, With WJZ, Forces Owner to Dispose of 2d Outlet. Impact: This transaction led to a series of radio shows that ultimately caused the world to question if anyone really needed to hear a three-hour discussion on the merits of oatmeal.. Fact: Did you know that radio stations used to be the hip place to be? Now they're just where we go to hear about someone's cat's latest adventure..
• Headline: RAIL TRUSTEE NAMED; E.W.A. Schumann Appointed by Court for Hoboken Road. Impact: The naming of a rail trustee turned into a reality show pitch: 'Railroad Reorganization: Who Will Ride the Rails to Success?' Spoiler alert: nobody wins.. Fact: Did you know that railroads once had more influence than politicians? Now they’re just the things that make you late to work..