AUGUST 1, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Engineering Division Established at St. Lawrence. Impact: The creation of this engineering division ultimately led to a worldwide shortage of engineers, which directly resulted in the invention of the 'Engineering Emoji' in 2024 to help students express their frustration with their heavy workloads. Fact: Did you know that most engineering students spend more time in coffee shops than classrooms? It's a true testament to their 'engineering' of caffeine consumption!.
• Headline: Bank Seeks Foreclosure on Rail Line. Impact: This foreclosure sparked a series of unfortunate events that eventually led to the invention of the first government-funded therapy program for stressed-out bankers in 1952. Fact: Fun fact: In the world of banking, 'foreclosure' is just a fancy term for 'oops, we forgot to pay the bills.'.
• Headline: VOTERS IN ONTARIO COOL TO CAMPAIGN; All Parties Fear Many Will Not Go to Polls in Provincial Election Wednesday HEPBURN STRENGTH SEEN Commonwealth Federation Will Have Its First Real Test in the Dominion's East. Impact: The apathy shown by voters led to the creation of the phrase 'Vote or Die,' which ironically resulted in a significant increase in voter turnout... for pizza delivery. Fact: Did you know that in Ontario, the weather is often more reliable than the outcome of elections? At least you know you'll need an umbrella at some point!.
• Headline: POST-WAR SHIFT DUE IN HOSIERY INDUSTRY; Full-Fashioned and Seamless Distinction Seen Ended by Nylon 'Bare-Leg' Machine MILLS TO USE BOTH TYPES Effects of 'Liquid Stockings' on Trend Weighed -- Costs to Be Strong Factor. Impact: The introduction of nylon stockings made it socially acceptable for women to wear them to the beach, thus leading to the invention of the bikini, which changed swimwear forever in 1946. Fact: Fun fact: 'Liquid stockings' is just the fancy way of saying, 'We ran out of fabric and decided to make it a trend.'.
• Headline: Leviathan, With Streamlining; THE NEW LEVIATHAN. By R.G. Collingwood. 387 pp. New York: Oxford University Press. $8.. Impact: This book was so influential that it inspired a generation of philosophers to start naming their pets after philosophical concepts, leading to the first 'Pet Philosophy Club' in 1950. Fact: Did you know that 'Leviathan' is actually a nickname for the author's cat? He was a real literary giant, or at least a very large feline!.
• Headline: Crash Damages Navy Dirigible. Impact: The crash of the Navy dirigible led to a series of redesigns in aerial vehicles, setting the stage for the eventual rise of the 'Flying Car' concept that still eludes us today. Fact: In the world of dirigibles, crashing is just a dramatic way of saying, 'I'm ready for a career change.'.
• Headline: INVADERS WELL EQUIPPED; Landing Forces Took Repair Boats Along to Sicily. Impact: The well-equipped invaders set a precedent for future military operations, ultimately resulting in the famous military motto: 'Always pack a spare boat, just in case!'. Fact: Fun fact: The repair boats were actually just an early experiment in 'bring your own tools' military strategy, which didn’t catch on until much later.
• Headline: BOY, 16, ADMITS THEFT; Confesses He Helped in $2,000 Hotel Plaza Robbery. Impact: This theft not only led to stricter security measures at hotels but also inspired a generation of young criminals to pursue careers in artful heists. Fact: Did you know that this boy's confession was the beginning of a long and illustrious career in reality TV? Just kidding, he probably just got grounded.