JULY 22, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: Circus Performance for Youth in 1943. Impact: This event created a generation of circus enthusiasts. You see, one child who visited the circus became a world-renowned clown, leading to an increase in 'clowning' as a valid career choice. This eventually culminated in a global shortage of pies, as all the clowns started throwing them instead of making them. Fact: Did you know that clowns were originally invented to distract people from how boring their lives were? This circus performance was just an elaborate plot to keep the kids entertained until their adult lives hit them like a ton of bricks!.
• Headline: Dr. Leonard S. M'Laine's Contribution to Entomology. Impact: Dr. M'Laine's research on bugs led to a massive increase in bug-related puns across Canada. This resulted in a nationwide competition for the cheesiest bug joke, which ultimately caused a rift in the fabric of Canadian humor. Fact: Did you know that entomology is just a fancy word for 'the study of bugs'? Because it sounds way cooler than saying, 'I study insects and I have no social life.'.
• Headline: Charles B. Ryan: A Life Remembered. Impact: Charles B. Ryav's name being in the headlines caused a ripple in the universe, as people began mistakenly thinking he was a famous celebrity. This led to a decade-long search for 'Ryav the Great,' who was never actually a thing, resulting in countless disappointed fans. Fact: Did you know that just by being mentioned in the news, Charles B. Ryav has probably inspired at least three terrible fan fiction stories? You're welcome, world.
• Headline: EISENHOWER SEES SLOWER ADVANCE; British and Canadians Face Most Difficult Task, Allied Commander Asserts EISENHOWER SEES SLOWER ADVANCE. Impact: Eisenhower's comments on the slower advance during the Sicilian campaign ultimately led to the invention of the phrase 'slow and steady wins the race,' which has been misapplied to everything from tortoises to procrastinators throughout history. Fact: Did you know that Eisenhower was known for his ability to make strategic decisions? If only he had applied that skill to his vacation plans—he could've avoided the slowest beach trip in history.
• Headline: JOSEPH ALPRIN. Impact: Joseph Alprin's name appearing in the news sparked a series of uninspired memes, forever tying his legacy to the world of underwhelming internet humor. The meme 'Alprin'd it' became a thing, which nobody truly understood. Fact: Did you know that every time someone mispronounces 'Alprin,' a historian sheds a tear? It's like an ongoing tragedy, but with less drama and more eye-rolls.
• Headline: CHARLES TREMEAR, I TINTYPE ARTIST, /7; Operator of Old-Time Studio in Henry Ford's Greenfield Village Dies in Detroit NOTABLES SAT FOR HIM Kept Daguerreotype Art Alive -- Spent Many Years as an Itinerant Photographer. Impact: The death of Charles Tremear marked the end of an era for tintype photography, which led to a resurgence of hipster photography decades later. People started paying exorbitant amounts for 'authentic vintage' photos that looked suspiciously like his work. Fact: Did you know that daguerreotypes are like the great-grandparents of selfies? They were just as awkward, but at least you couldn't accidentally send them to the wrong person.
• Headline: ADMIT KIDNAP CHARGE; 6 Soldiers End Lindbergh Act Trial by Changing Pleas. Impact: The abrupt plea changes led to an unexpected increase in the public's fascination with courtroom dramas, eventually paving the way for reality TV. Thanks to these soldiers, we've been subjected to more courtroom shows than anyone ever asked for. Fact: Did you know that changing your plea in court can sometimes lead to a more dramatic outcome than any soap opera? And yet, the ratings are still lower than that of a 'real' courtroom drama.
• Headline: Cape Cod Recalls U-Boat Attack. Impact: The anniversary of the U-Boat attack reminded people of the importance of coastal security, which led to a massive increase in beachside lifeguards. As a result, lifeguard fashion came into vogue—speedos everywhere!. Fact: Did you know that U-boats were the original 'party boats'? They just didn't know how to throw a good bash without sinking the whole thing.
• Headline: BACKGROUND OF LEND-LEASE. Impact: The discussions around the Lend-Lease Act sparked a financial revolution that prompted nations to start sharing more than just their favorite recipes, eventually leading to a worldwide trend of borrowing cups of sugar that still haunts us today. Fact: Did you know that the Lend-Lease Act was like the ultimate 'I owe you' note between countries? It’s a glorified IOU that didn’t involve any awkward family dinners!.
• Headline: SERVICE CENTER HOST TO TWO MILLION MEN; First Anniversary to Be Marked by Times Square Club. Impact: The hosting of two million men at the Service Center resulted in a remarkable rise in the population of mustaches, as they all decided to grow them in solidarity. Thus, the Great Mustache Movement of the 1940s was born. Fact: Did you know that Times Square was once the epicenter of masculine style? If only they had known that mustaches would eventually become a hipster cliché!.