MAY 8, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: Condemnation of Lewis by Industry Leaders. Impact: If W S Jack had just kept his mouth shut, the labor movement might have had a much smoother ride. Instead, his words sparked a chain reaction of labor-management tension that indirectly led to the invention of the coffee break. Thanks, Jack!. Fact: Did you know that if you combine labor disputes with World War II, you get the perfect recipe for a reality show? 'Survivor: Office Edition' could have been a hit!.
• Headline: Dionnes Sponsor Ships Crossing Border. Impact: The Quintuplets crossing the border was the start of an international parenting phenomenon. Fast forward a few decades and now parents are scrambling to get their kids into playgroups with any semblance of 'unique' in their names.. Fact: Left-handed Emilie posed a launching problem? Well, she also probably posed a problem for her parents who were just trying to keep up with five kids. Talk about a 'quintuplet' challenge!.
• Headline: Cincinnati Girl Wins Voice Awards in 1943. Impact: Nan Merriman winning this award meant that the world of music had to brace itself for an influx of overzealous parents pushing their children into the arts. Today, we have more stage parents than actual performers.. Fact: Isn't it cute how music awards were once a big deal? Now, if you don't have a TikTok following, you might as well be playing a kazoo in your basement..
• Headline: SNIPING AT THE TRACKS; Recent ODT and OPA Moves Draw Criticism From Fan. Impact: The sniping at the tracks led to the birth of the modern day online troll. If only those critics knew they were paving the way for keyboard warriors everywhere!. Fact: Criticism of parking areas is a time-honored tradition. It's basically the adult version of whining about the lunch menu in high school..
• Headline: Shoe Company Increases Sales. Impact: The shoe company's increase in sales somehow led to an epidemic of people wearing shoes that are just too tight. Welcome to the age of foot-related regrets!. Fact: If only those shoes could talk, they’d probably beg for a break from being stuffed in tiny boxes all day. Shoes have feelings too, you know!.
• Headline: A TEST FOR REPUBLICANS. Impact: The 'Test for Republicans' headline was the beginning of an endless cycle of political drama that would eventually lead to reality TV. Who knew the GOP could be the precursor to 'The Real Housewives of Capitol Hill'?. Fact: Political tests: because nothing says you're qualified like answering a series of questions that don't even pertain to your actual competency!.
• Headline: OFFICERS HONORED AT SERVICE DANCE; Military and Naval Reception Precedes Fete Given to Aid Soldiers and Sailors Club PATRIOTIC DECOR DESIGNED Bugle Mess Call Signalizes Opening of Event -- Many Entertain at Dinners. Impact: Honoring officers at a service dance? That set the stage for countless awkward military-themed parties, ultimately leading to the invention of the two-step as a desperate attempt to avoid conversation.. Fact: Service dances: where the music is loud, the uniforms are sharp, and everyone is just one punch bowl away from a regrettable dance move..
• Headline: Warns of Fund Solicitations. Impact: The warnings about fund solicitations led to a world where everyone is suspicious of anyone asking for money, resulting in the rise of unsolicited GoFundMe campaigns for the most ridiculous causes.. Fact: Warning against fund solicitations? Great! It's like telling a kid not to eat all the cookies when they’re already plotting a cookie heist..
• Headline: WRITER WINS FIGHT AS WAR OBJECTOR; Court Relies Chiefly on MS. in Deciding Draft Appeal in Phillips Case HABEAS CORPUS WRIT USED Lower Bench Rejected Mother's Plea -- Author, Now in Camp, Will Be Reclassified. Impact: The writer's battle as a war objector opened the floodgates for every hipster with a typewriter to claim they're 'against the system,' all while sipping overpriced coffee.. Fact: Habeas corpus sounds fancy, but really it just means 'let me go, I have important writing to do!'.