APRIL 16, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: Medical Service Accountability in the Army. Impact: If Dr. Eiserson had been available instead of off playing soldier, the entire workers' compensation system might have been reformed by now. Instead, we just have a questionable 'orderly' running the show. Thanks, military!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'orderly' can also refer to a person in the military who assists with medical needs? I guess it's also a fancy way of saying 'not a real doctor.'.
• Headline: Cruikshank Defends Assessment Claims. Impact: Cruikshank's rebuttal against Herlands might have sparked a whole new genre of political drama – think 'House of Cards' but with more paperwork and less murder.. Fact: Fun fact: Most political debates could be improved by adding interpretive dance. Just saying!.
• Headline: Cuba's Historic Seed Purchase from U.S.. Impact: Cuba's purchase of U.S. seeds could have led to a secret agricultural renaissance. Who knew a few seeds could plant the roots of future diplomatic relations? Get it? Roots?. Fact: Did you know that seeds are like tiny time capsules? They hold the potential for future crops and, apparently, international intrigue..
• Headline: M.I.T. NAMES J. KILLIAN; Assistant to Dr. Compton Will Be Executive Vice President. Impact: J. Killian's promotion might have led to a new era of academic excellence at M.I.T. or it could have just meant more caffeine-fueled all-nighters. The future is uncertain!. Fact: Fun fact: J. Killian's name sounds like a superhero's secret identity. Imagine him saving the world one thesis at a time..
• Headline: Lays Labor Waste to Prejudice. Impact: Cramer’s labor waste speech could have inspired a nationwide movement to actually care about workers, but instead, the only thing it inspired was more paperwork.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'labor waste' is not just about inefficient processes but also describes how many coffee breaks workers take? Priorities, people!.
• Headline: GEN. HILLDRING HEADS UNIT; Will Advise War Department on Occupied Areas. Impact: Gen. Hilldring’s new role might have shaped post-war policies, but honestly, it probably just meant more meetings and less time for actual action.. Fact: Fun fact: General Hilldring probably had to attend more meetings than a corporate intern. War is hell, but bureaucracy is a close second..
• Headline: FILM TO AID WOMEN'S UNIT; Voluntary Services Beneficiary of 'Desert Victory' Next Week. Impact: The film intended to aid the women’s unit could have sparked a revolution in women’s rights, or it could have just made people want to watch more movies. You never know!. Fact: Did you know that the real 'Desert Victory' was actually just everyone finding their way to the popcorn stand?.
• Headline: Big British Fleet In Mediterranean. Impact: The presence of a big British fleet in the Mediterranean could have escalated tensions in Europe, but instead, they probably just had tea and biscuits while floating around.. Fact: Fun fact: The Mediterranean is known for its beauty, but add a British fleet and it just becomes a floating tea party..
• Headline: LEWIS F. MASON. Impact: Lewis F. Mason could have been a pivotal figure in history, but with a name like that, he probably just spent his life trying to not be confused with a famous architect.. Fact: Did you know that having a name like Lewis F. Mason in the 1940s probably meant endless jokes about building things? Poor guy..