MARCH 18, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic Election Win in Rockville Centre. Impact: This thrilling election win somehow led to the creation of the world's most boring board games. Who knew? One vote for democracy, two votes for 'Monopoly: Rockville Edition.'. Fact: Did you know that elections can be more thrilling than watching paint dry? Rockville Centre is just the place to prove it!.
• Headline: Girl's Cries Capture Mugging Suspect. Impact: This brave girl’s cries not only saved her but also inspired a new wave of vigilantism. Suddenly, every subway station had a choir of singers ready to repel attacks with high notes.. Fact: Did you know lipstick has always been a powerful tool? Who knew it could also be a marker for criminals? 'Caught red-handed' just got a whole new meaning!.
• Headline: WIDE GRAFT BARED ON JOB LAW CASES; Dr. T.R. Freedman Tells How He Padded Bills, Paid 'Kickbacks' on Compensation Service HIS INCOME WAS TREBLED Witness Under Indictment Testifies at Moreland Commission Hearing. Impact: This scandal revealed the dark underbelly of workplace compensation laws and led to the invention of the phrase 'just another day at the office' – a phrase now used by every disgruntled employee.. Fact: Did you know that kickbacks are not just what you do with a bad movie? They can also be a lucrative way to ensure your bank account is 'trebled.'.
• Headline: GASOLINE RATIONS CUT BY HALF BY OPA; ALL BUSES 'FROZEN'; Pleasure Driving Ban Lifted, but Order Effective Monday Curtails All Car Use 4 MONTHS FOR 'A' COUPONS Workers to Get Supplemental Allowance -- ODT Acts to Keep School Buses on Routes GASOLINE RATIONS CUT BY HALF BY OPA. Impact: The gasoline rationing led to the invention of carpool karaoke. People had to share rides, and what better way to bond than by belting out 'Bohemian Rhapsody' together?. Fact: Did you know that cutting gasoline rations by half is the government's way of saying, 'Please stay home and enjoy your Netflix subscription?'.
• Headline: M'NUTT GIVES PLAN TO HELP MILLIONS; He Sends Congress Proposals to Unify, Extend and Liberalize Social Security AND PROTECT SERVICE MEN Officials Indicate Payroll Tax of 10 to 12% Would End Major Risks of Workers. Impact: This proposal led to an increase in taxes, which ultimately resulted in the invention of the 'Tax Day Stress Ball' – a must-have item for every American household.. Fact: Did you know that Social Security is the only thing keeping millions of Americans from living in a van down by the river? Thanks, M'Nutt!.
• Headline: S. WEBSTER 2IARVIN. Impact: This headline is so vague that it caused historians to argue about the existence of S. Webster for decades. The resulting confusion led to a new academic field: 'Guesswork Studies.'. Fact: Did you know that sometimes, less is more? Like this headline, which tells us absolutely nothing!.
• Headline: HOUSE GROUP BACKS JERSEY CANAL BILL; Harbors Committee Acts to Avert Any Technical Issue. Impact: This bill led to the creation of a canal system that became the envy of every child with a toy boat. Suddenly, every backyard was a potential shipping lane!. Fact: Did you know that canal bills have the same excitement level as watching grass grow? It's riveting stuff, folks!.
• Headline: MAYOR NOW CALLS FOR OTHER TAXES; Defeat of Moffat Bill Means New Realty Levies or Cut in Services, He Holds SAYS BUDGET WILL BE IN But Predicts Special Session of Legislature by July 1 to Remedy Its Defects. Impact: This call for new taxes pushed residents to become experts in budgeting, leading to the rise of 'Couch Finance' workshops where people learned how to balance snacks and bills.. Fact: Did you know that politicians love taxes almost as much as they love long-winded speeches? It's like a match made in budget hell!.