MARCH 6, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: The H. Sann$ Incident Explained. Impact: If H. Santens had decided to become a circus performer instead, the world might have been spared endless debates over the merits of interpretive dance in modern art. Just think, no one would have ever heard of 'performance art'.. Fact: H. Santens was actually known as the 'Pablo Picasso of paperwork.'.
• Headline: OPA's New Interpretation Saves Drivers. Impact: The reprieve of pleasure drivers could have led to a 50% increase in spontaneous karaoke parties in neighborhoods everywhere. Imagine the world where traffic jams turned into dance-offs!. Fact: The 'pleasure drivers' were actually just people who preferred taking the scenic route to the grocery store..
• Headline: COUNCIL FOR PUERTO RICO; Ickes Sets Up Group to Advise on Food Shipments. Impact: Ickes' formation of the council could have sparked a culinary revolution, leading to the invention of the 'Puerto Rican Taco', which would still be the subject of fierce debates across food blogs today.. Fact: Food shipments are often the reason for more arguments than family reunions. Who knew beans could cause such drama?.
• Headline: We Aided Education in China. Impact: US aid to education in China might have led to a future where Chinese students invented a smartphone that could also do your laundry. Too bad we still can’t figure out how to fold fitted sheets.. Fact: In the world of education funding, China once considered sending their students to Hogwarts. Too bad they didn't have a 'Muggle Studies' course..
• Headline: Kearny and the Open Door. Impact: Kearny's role in opening trade relations may have inadvertently led to the first-ever 'globalization of fast food', making it possible for us to have cold pizza in every corner of the world.. Fact: Kearny was actually a huge fan of fortune cookies, which proves that not all decisions are made with a serious face..
• Headline: PLAN MUSIC CENTER AT MECCA TEMPLE; Mayor and Spokesmen for the Arts Discuss Proposal Originated by Morris CITY NOW OWNS BUILDING Leaders of Stage, Concert and Opera Fields Welcome the New Project. Impact: The music center at Mecca Temple could have sparked a new wave of spiritual pop music, leading to the birth of 'Heavenly Hits' radio stations across the nation, playing everything from gospel to grunge.. Fact: Mecca Temple was initially designed for high-stakes bingo. Imagine the changes in the spiritual landscape if that had taken off!.
• Headline: DEVEREAUX SENT TO PRISON; Changes Plea in Pennsylvania Hunting Killing of Copeland. Impact: Devereaux's sentencing for manslaughter might have sparked an entire genre of crime dramas centered around hunting accidents. Who knew there was such a niche market for 'Oops, I Shot My Friend' stories?. Fact: Manslaughter laws are the reason we have so many 'How Not to Hunt' tutorials today. Safety first, folks!.