JANUARY 28, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Poetic Seed Catalogue of 1943. Impact: This poem on seed catalogues inspired a future generation of hipsters to fetishize urban gardening, leading to the inevitable rise of overpriced avocado toast and artisanal seed banks.. Fact: Did you know that seed catalogues have been around since the 1700s? That's right, before Tinder, people were swiping right on heirloom tomatoes!.
• Headline: WLB Ends Dress Strike in 1943. Impact: The end of the dress strike led to the widespread adoption of sweatpants as formal wear, ultimately resulting in the fashion apocalypse of the 2020s.. Fact: Fun fact: 30,000 people striking over dresses might sound impressive, but I bet they didn’t realize they were just one ‘sweater weather’ away from changing fashion forever!.
• Headline: Escorts for Naval Convoys Delayed. Impact: The lag in escort ships meant that future generations would spend years developing maritime safety protocols, which ultimately resulted in a reality TV show about naval mishaps.. Fact: You'd think that with the rise of U-boats, the naval authorities would have figured out how to build some ships. Apparently, they were too busy debating the merits of deep-sea selfies..
• Headline: Dewey Sets Clemency Hearings. Impact: The clemency hearings set by Dewey would later inspire countless courtroom dramas, leading to the rise of ‘Law & Order’ and the subsequent addiction of millions to legal jargon.. Fact: Did you know that clemency hearings are often less about justice and more about who can hire the best lawyer? Spoiler: It's usually not the guy named H.J. Elling..
• Headline: FIRST EDITIONS AUCTIONED; Collection of William West Is Sold for $14,120. Impact: The auction of first editions sparked a frenzy of book collectors, eventually leading to the current trend of hoarding rare books, which now includes a cult dedicated to the preservation of obscure fan fiction.. Fact: For $14,120, one could have purchased a first edition book. Or, you know, a really nice used car. Choices, choices!.
• Headline: DISBELIEF IN ALLIES FOUND IN MOROCCO; Profiteering, Political Apathy and Distrust of U.S. Said to Prevail There DISBELIEF IN ALLIES FOUND IN MOROCCO. Impact: Disbelief in allies in Morocco paved the way for an entire genre of spy novels where nothing is as it seems, and everyone’s mother is a double agent.. Fact: Political apathy in Morocco sounds like a plot twist in a bad spy movie, but it’s just another Tuesday in international relations, folks!.
• Headline: LABOR UNITY URGED TO PRESERVE GAINS; A.F. Whitney, Head of Rail Union, Heard at Guild Meeting. Impact: Labor unity urged during this meeting led to an eventual wave of 'workers' rights' memes, forever changing how we perceive labor movements on social media.. Fact: Unity in labor meetings means everyone agrees to disagree about lunch. Spoiler: It’s always pizza..
• Headline: Deplores Drop in Law Classes. Impact: The decline in law classes triggered panic in the legal community, ultimately resulting in a shortage of lawyers and a rise in self-represented litigants who think they can win cases with internet research.. Fact: Law classes dropping? Is that a sign that people are finally realizing that arguing with strangers on the internet is not quite the same as a courtroom battle?.
• Headline: ALONZO S. DOBIE. Impact: Alonzo S. Dobie's legacy was so impactful that it inspired a future generation of wannabe philosophers who think quoting him makes them deep.. Fact: Alonzo S. Dobie? More like Alonzo S. 'Who?' If you’ve ever wanted to sound smart at parties, good luck finding his quotes!.
• Headline: CUT ABSENTEEISM, A.F.L. ASKS WORKERS; Executive Council at Miami Bases Plea on Need to Back Up Soldier-Brothers BRITISH GROUP CONFERS Methods of Increasing Production Discussed by Anglo-U.S. Trade Union Committee. Impact: The A.F.L.'s call to cut absenteeism resulted in a future of office napping pods and corporate wellness programs—who knew that a plea for productivity would lead to the invention of the nap?. Fact: Cutting absenteeism? More like cutting into our naptime! I guess if you convince people that ‘backing up soldier-brothers’ means napping at work, it might just work!.