DECEMBER 7, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Election Officials Designation Meeting. Impact: The Democrats and Republicans naming election officials led to an eternal cycle of political infighting that eventually resulted in the creation of reality TV political debates. Who knew that a simple meeting would spawn a genre of television where candidates battle it out like gladiators?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more predictable than the outcome of these meetings is the amount of times both parties will claim they care about bipartisanship? Spoiler: they don’t..
• Headline: Congress Votes from the Tri-State Area. Impact: Inaccurate vote counts from this week ultimately influenced every conspiracy theory about election integrity for decades to come. Thanks to this, millions of people now believe that aliens are counting our votes.. Fact: Fun fact: the roll-call votes are basically Congress's version of 'who's still here?' at a high school reunion. Spoiler: it’s usually the same people..
• Headline: East Side Defense Council Meeting Announced. Impact: The meeting of the East Side Defense Council ironically led to the creation of countless defense councils, creating a ripple effect that would eventually result in every neighborhood having committees about everything from potholes to whether or not to ban the neighborhood cat.. Fact: Did you know that all the real decisions in these councils often come down to who brings the best snacks? Because priorities, right?.
• Headline: Warns He Has No Cure for Mass Unemployment After the War -- Australian Laborites Promise More Extensive Scheme. Impact: Sir W Beveridge's warning on unemployment after the war sparked a wave of policies that led to the creation of endless bureaucratic programs and job titles that no one really understands. Thanks, Sir W!. Fact: Did you know that 'extensive schemes' is just code for 'we’ll figure it out later'? It's the adult equivalent of a child saying, 'I’ll clean my room tomorrow.'.
• Headline: WILHELMINA PLANS AUTONOMY ABROAD; ' Commonwealth' of Homeland, Indies, Curacao and Surinam to Have Internal Freedom NEW SET-UP AWAITS PEACE Washington Observers Link Move to War Aims and Atlantic Charter. Impact: Wilhelmina's plan for autonomy abroad ultimately led to the formation of countless independent nations, and a lot of awkward reunions at family gatherings where people argue about who gets to be the 'favorite child' of the Commonwealth.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'autonomy' comes from the ancient Greek meaning 'to argue about things no one really understands'? Yeah, it’s still relevant today..
• Headline: AXIS DISARMAMENT IS NORRIS DEMAND; Unconditional Surrender Must Be First Step Toward Making of Permanent Peace, He Says ENDING OF HATREDS URGED Messages From King Haakon, Eden and Allied Premiers Read at Meeting Here. Impact: Norris's call for Axis disarmament and unconditional surrender set off a domino effect that eventually led to the creation of peace treaties that could rival soap operas in drama and plot twists.. Fact: Fun fact: the only thing more difficult than negotiating peace is getting everyone to agree on a pizza topping afterward—trust me, it’s true..
• Headline: Surgeons Mend Cut in Heart. Impact: Surgeons mending a heart after a stabbing incident became the foundation of future medical dramas on television, making it seem like doctors can save anyone in under an hour.. Fact: Did you know that Caesar's heart was patched up so well, he became the poster child for 'heartfelt' stories? Too bad he couldn’t see the ‘stab’ coming!.
• Headline: Draft Boards Are in Doubt Of Men 38, Already Called; DOUBT ON STATUS OF DRAFTEES OF 38. Impact: Draft boards' doubts about older men eventually morphed into a societal obsession with age limits, leading to the infamous 'you’re too old for this!' conversations that still haunt gym memberships today.. Fact: Fun fact: the only thing more confusing than draft eligibility is trying to understand the rules of American football. Good luck with that!.