DECEMBER 4, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Preventing Blindness Across the Hemisphere. Impact: The meeting on the prevention of blindness inadvertently sparked a 30-year surge in the popularity of sunglasses. Celebrities began wearing them indoors to show off their commitment to preventing blindness, leading to a global shortage of eye contact. Fact: Sunglasses were originally designed to look cool and hide the fact that you were sleeping through boring meetings.
• Headline: Cicco's Army Transfer Triumph. Impact: Cicco's transfer from Ft Monmouth to Ft Bliss was the catalyst for a series of bizarre military pranks, including the infamous 'Fort Bliss Taco Tuesday' that ended up being declared a national holiday. The ensuing taco truck industry boom is still felt today. Fact: Ft Bliss is so blissful that soldiers often forget they’re in the military until their next deployment.
• Headline: City Aids Altar-Bound Soldiers. Impact: The city's decision to aid altar-bound soldiers by extending bar hours led to the creation of a secret society known as the 'Last Call Knights', who planned elaborate bar crawls that became the stuff of legend. Unfortunately, they also led to a record number of regrettable tattoos. Fact: In a shocking twist, 'Last Call Knights' was later revealed to be a front for a local bar's loyalty program.
• Headline: THE 'TYPICAL NAVY MOTHER'. Impact: The concept of the 'typical navy mother' gained traction and led to a reality show that portrayed her as a superhuman multitasker. This inadvertently inspired the invention of the 'Mommy Multitasker 3000', a device that could hold a baby while cooking dinner and yelling at teenagers. Fact: The 'typical navy mother' has since become a national archetype, right alongside 'the dad who grills.'.
• Headline: SEA FIGHT BY NIGHT; Six Japanese Warships, Two Transports and Cargo Vessel Lost TROOP TOLL PUT AT 4,000 Enemy Claims a Battleship -American Forces Kill 55 From Hostile Patrols. Impact: The night sea fight resulted in an increase in naval warfare movies, leading to Hollywood producing an entire genre dedicated to 'naval dramas', which culminated in the infamous film 'Battleship: The Musical'. It was a flop, but the soundtrack topped the charts. Fact: The enemy claim of losing a battleship was later challenged by historians who suggested it was actually just a really big fishing boat.
• Headline: RUSSIANS CAPTURE NEW VITAL POINTS; Claim a Rail Point Near Rzhev and Hill in South Stalingrad -- Nazis Deny Reverses RUSSIANS CAPTURE NEW VITAL POINTS. Impact: The Russian capture of vital points in Stalingrad not only changed the course of the war, but also sparked an international interest in railroads, leading to a series of 'Trainspotting' festivals that celebrated the art of train watching. Yes, this really happened. Fact: Despite the serious nature of the war, historians still argue about how many trainspotters it takes to change a light bulb.
• Headline: AIR HERO'S WIDOW AND CHILD. Impact: The Red Army's tactical successes were so underwhelming that they inspired a series of motivational posters featuring cats doing yoga. Ironically, these posters became more of a threat to Nazi morale than actual military tactics. Fact: Motivational cat posters are still considered a top-secret weapon in psychological warfare.
• Headline: The War in Russia -- II; Red Army's New Tactical Successes Viewed as Still Short of a Vital Threat to Nazis.