NOVEMBER 8, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Remembering Carl Eric Linden: Woodstock Artist. Impact: Carl's death led to a revival of interest in Woodstock's art scene, inspiring future artists to create works that were 30% more pretentious and 100% less appreciated. Who knew dying could be so influential?. Fact: Did you know that if Carl had held on for just a few more years, he might have lived long enough to witness the rise of 'influencers' as the new art critics? How tragic!.
• Headline: Maxwell Declares Start of Offensive in Egypt. Impact: Maj Gen Maxwell’s bold predictions led to an unexpected surge in inspirational military quotes, which ultimately inspired a whole generation of motivational speakers. 'Go to the heart of Germany' became the slogan for countless mediocre self-help books.. Fact: Did you know that 'going to the heart of Germany' is actually a euphemism for 'finding the best schnitzel'? Because that’s the only thing I’d be fighting for!.
• Headline: Front Page 2 -- No Title. Impact: The price fluctuations of November 7 inspired a new economic theory: 'The Stock Market is Like a Roller Coaster'—a concept that would go on to confuse investors for decades.. Fact: Did you know that the prices being the best since December 7, '41 led to many optimistic predictions about a future involving unicorns and endless profits? Spoiler alert: it didn't happen..
• Headline: DIG ME A GRAVE. By John Spain. 255 pp. New York: E. P. Dutton & Co. $2.. Impact: John Spain's book 'Dig Me A Grave' inadvertently inspired an underground movement for more interesting book titles, resulting in classics like 'Bury Me in My Pajamas' and 'Six Feet Under: A How-To Guide'.. Fact: Did you know that 'Dig Me A Grave' is a bestseller among people who are really just looking for an excuse to take a nap? Grave humor at its finest!.
• Headline: FORWARDERS' PLAN GAINS FAVOR IN WSA; Agency Considers Proposal to Let Them Handle U.S. and Lend-Lease Cargoes. Impact: The WSA's decision to consider freight forwarders sparked a series of bureaucratic nightmares that would loop into the future, giving rise to endless paperwork and the phrase, 'Let’s form a committee!' in every office.. Fact: Did you know that the dissolution of the War Forwarding Corp led to a resurgence in people forwarding emails instead? Talk about a war on productivity!.
• Headline: WAGE RISE ACTION EASED; Employers Get Until Dec. 1 to Obtain WLB Approval. Impact: The deadline extension for wage rises created confusion that rippled through the economy, leading to a new trend of employers raising wages only to lower morale. This would become a classic corporate playbook move.. Fact: Did you know that 'Wage Rise Action Eased' is corporate-speak for 'we’re not paying you more, but you can keep your job'? What a generous gesture!.
• Headline: ESPIONAGE PUBLICITY BARRED IN ARGENTINA; Regime Forbids Press to Publish Reports of Investigation. Impact: The espionage ban in Argentina sparked a new genre of conspiracy theories, leading to the rise of 'The Secret Society of Snoopers'—a group of locals convinced that their neighbors were actually spies.. Fact: Did you know that the press being barred from publishing reports actually led to the invention of gossip? Who needs facts when you have rumors?.
• Headline: O'Daniel Plan a Bar; Year's Delay for Younger Men Would Hamper Army. Impact: The O'Daniel Plan’s delay for younger men caused a massive increase in the number of video game players, as they decided that fighting for their country could wait until they’d finished their quests.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing younger men were truly hampered by was their inability to pause their video games for real-life responsibilities? Priorities, right?.