OCTOBER 12, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Yard Strike Talks Amid WWII Tensions. Impact: If the South Portland officials had just decided to ignore the strike, the Maritime Commission might have been so bored they would have taken up knitting instead, leading to a nationwide yarn shortage and a sudden rise in cat ownership.. Fact: Strikes were basically the original social media. Workers just needed to make a lot of noise to get their message across!.
• Headline: New Sales Plan for NYC Scrap Metals. Impact: The junk dealers losing their licenses could have caused a ripple effect where the entire scrap metal industry turned into an underground operation, eventually fueling a black market for vintage toasters.. Fact: If you think your junk is worthless, just remember that someone out there might be willing to pay top dollar for your old pizza box. True story..
• Headline: Honoring Frank E. Patterson. Impact: Frank E. Patterson's life may have been so unremarkable that if he had never existed, the universe would have simply found someone else with an equally forgettable name to fill the void.. Fact: Frank E. Patterson is so famous that even his shadow has a better social life than most of us..
• Headline: Student Council Head Chosen. Impact: The new student council head could have led to a school revolution where pizza in the cafeteria became a fundamental right, shaping future generations into pizza-loving citizens.. Fact: Student councils are like tiny governments where the biggest political issue is usually whether to have prom or a bake sale..
• Headline: WOULD HELP PALESTINE; Dr. Braunstein Asks the United States to Arm the Jews. Impact: Dr. Braunstein's request for the U.S. to arm the Jews in Palestine might have created a timeline where every politician suddenly became an amateur historian, trying to figure out what that whole 'Middle East' situation was all about.. Fact: Asking the U.S. to intervene often comes with a side of confusion and a sprinkle of chaos. Just like ordering a salad and getting fries instead..
• Headline: Gets Connecticut Defense Post. Impact: The appointment of a Connecticut Air-Raid Protection Supervisor could have inspired an entire generation to take up careers in disaster preparedness, leading to the rise of 'Doomsday Prepper' reality shows much earlier than they actually happened.. Fact: Connecticut is known for its insurance companies. So, of course, they would appoint someone to prepare for a disaster nobody can predict!.
• Headline: IEV. PAUL STEATTON. Impact: Paul Stratton might have been so unremarkable that if he hadn’t been appointed, history would have rolled on without skipping a beat, leaving us all to wonder who he was.. Fact: With a name like Paul Stratton, he probably had to work hard to be remembered. Sorry, Paul!.
• Headline: SERGF CHAPLYGI_. Impact: Sergei Chaplygin’s contributions to science and mathematics might have been so pivotal that his absence would have resulted in an alternate universe where everyone communicates using only interpretive dance.. Fact: Sergei's work is still celebrated in math circles, but let’s be real: most people think math is just a plot to keep them from enjoying dessert..
• Headline: Abroad; Prodding the Last Neutrals in the Western Hemisphere. Impact: A.O. McCormick's comments about prodding neutrals could have led to a raucous game of diplomatic dodgeball, where countries had to avoid getting hit by political alliances.. Fact: Prodding neutrals is basically the adult version of trying to convince your friends to join in a game you really want to play, even if they’d rather binge-watch a show instead..
• Headline: 4 CORVETTES FIGHT U-BOAT WOLF PACK; Norwegians, Led by a British Destroyer, Badly Damage Four Enemy Craft 4 CORVETTES FIGHT U-BOAT WOLF PACK. Impact: The battle with U-boat wolf packs might have inspired future generations to take up underwater basket weaving as a peaceful alternative to warfare.. Fact: Corvettes in battle? Let’s just say they weren’t exactly the Titanic, but they sure knew how to make a splash!.