JULY 28, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dr. I.N. Broomell Becomes Dean. Impact: Dr. Broomell's appointment as Dean led to a radical overhaul of dental education, which eventually inspired an underground society of dentists who secretly compete in tooth-whitening contests. This society has been known to alter dental practices worldwide, proving that a good smile can indeed change the world.. Fact: Dr. Broomell probably had more dental degrees than friends..
• Headline: Mrs. K. S. Fussell's Typing Milestone. Impact: Mrs. Fussell's 60-year typing stint inspired a generation of ghostwriters who, believing they could immortalize their own typewritten work, ended up writing terrible self-help books. This led to a spike in coffee shop sales and a world full of unsolicited advice.. Fact: If you think your job is boring, try typing letters for 60 years without the internet. #Respect.
• Headline: FBI Flooded with Saboteur Tips in 1942. Impact: The FBI's flood of tips led to an overzealous expansion of their surveillance, which eventually resulted in the first ever 'Tip Line' reality show. Yes, folks, people started calling in to report their neighbors for minor infractions just to get their 15 minutes of fame.. Fact: If you think you have too many calls on your phone, try being an FBI operative during a saboteur scare. No thank you!.
• Headline: MAYOR PLEADS GUILTY OF PRIORITY VIOLATION; Tiscornia of St. Joseph, Mich., Used Materials in a House. Impact: Mayor Tiscornia's guilty plea set a precedent for small-town mayors to seek legal advice on how to cover their tracks, inadvertently launching a series of 'How To' manuals that would eventually be found in the back of every local politician's office.. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, priority violations are the 'Oops, I did it again' of the political world..
• Headline: Di Donato in Objectors' Camp. Impact: Di Donato's alignment with objectors led to a hidden camp of dissenters that sparked a movement for reform in local governance. This camp, ironically, became known as 'The Non-Conformist Collective' but only met to complain about the Wi-Fi.. Fact: Cooperstown: where even objectors have picturesque views while they complain..
• Headline: FINGERPRINTS 'ORDER' MODIFIED BY MAYOR; He Says Identification of City Workers Is Voluntary. Impact: The Mayor's modification of the fingerprint order led to a significant rise in identity crises among city workers, prompting the city's first-ever support group for those unsure if they were actually who they thought they were.. Fact: Voluntary fingerprinting: because who doesn't want to feel a little less secure at their day job?.
• Headline: Australia Warns of Spies; PATROLS MEET FOE IN NEW GUINEA PUSH. Impact: Australia's warning about spies resulted in a nationwide paranoia that led to the creation of an underground network of amateur sleuths who thought themselves to be the next James Bond. Little did they know, their best leads were just the neighbor borrowing a cup of sugar.. Fact: New Guinea: where even spies have to be careful about their cover stories while getting a tan..
• Headline: EDWARD S. SHEEHY. Impact: Edward S. Sheehy's entry into public consciousness led to an explosion of 'S. Sheehy' merchandise, which no one wanted. This ultimately led to the phrase 'You can't spell Sheehy without 'Eh?' – a testament to his enigmatic presence.. Fact: Edward S. Sheehy: the name that could've launched a thousand puns, but didn't..
• Headline: DENIES TOBIN PLANS TO GET LEWIS IN A.F.L.; Organ Says Object Is Solely to Promote Labor Unity. Impact: The denial of Tobin's plans inadvertently created a vacuum in labor union leadership that gave rise to an era of chaos, with laborers banding together to create their own unions based on snacks and coffee breaks instead of actual labor rights.. Fact: Labor unity: because nothing brings people together like a shared disdain for their boss..
• Headline: Gene Autry Takes Army Oath. Impact: Gene Autry's enlistment inspired countless cowboy-themed enlistments, leading to a bizarre but brief trend of soldiers riding into battle on horses while singing. This was, of course, quickly deemed impractical.. Fact: Gene Autry: the only person who could turn a military oath into a musical number. Yeehaw!.