JULY 17, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Girl Scouts Collect Medals for Scrap Drive. Impact: The Iron Cross being tossed into a scrap pile sparked a wildly unnecessary recycling movement, leading to hipster cafes in Berlin serving artisanal salads on upcycled military paraphernalia. Who knew medals could be so trendy?. Fact: The Iron Cross was originally established in 1813, but now it seems it’s also a hot commodity for summer camp crafts. Talk about a glow-up!.
• Headline: Colgate Alumni Raise Funds for Endowment. Impact: The $23,171 raised by Colgate alumni set off a chain reaction of increasingly extravagant alumni events, culminating in a bizarre annual ritual where graduates attempt to outdo each other in philanthropic absurdity.. Fact: Colgate alumni are known for their dedication to giving, which is great—unless you’re just trying to dodge your student loans..
• Headline: Nominating Petition Rejected in 1942. Impact: This rejection of the Hall petition led to a domino effect of frustrated politicians trying to one-up each other with increasingly convoluted nomination strategies—because nothing says 'democracy' like a good old-fashioned paperwork war.. Fact: If only the rejection of petitions could also reject politicians' bad haircuts. We can dream!.
• Headline: ICAPT. LEWIS _ STA.TO I; Commanded Northland Beforel T h i saCitntto rYm Enste r e od Las. W a r!. Impact: Captain Lewis' command of the Northland became the stuff of legends, inspiring future naval officers to name their boats after him, which eventually led to an entire fleet of vessels named after characters from classic literature. Ahoy, Moby Dick!. Fact: Commanding a ship is one of those jobs that sounds cool until you realize it involves a lot of paperwork and not enough rum..
• Headline: President Will Get His Mangoes. Impact: The President receiving mangoes from Florida may have inadvertently kickstarted a national obsession with tropical fruits, resulting in a bizarre era where state fairs started featuring mango-themed rides and games.. Fact: Mangoes are often called the 'king of fruits,' but I guess that makes the President a fruit king now. How regal!.
• Headline: In The Nation; Historic Parallels for a Second Front. Impact: The discussions of historic parallels for a second front led to endless debates in coffee shops about whether or not history truly repeats itself—resulting in a rise in overpriced lattes named after significant battles.. Fact: If you think about it, every coffee shop is just a little battlefield of social interactions. May the best brew win!.
• Headline: Dr. Leigh in Radio Monitor Post. Impact: Dr. Leigh's monitoring of foreign broadcasts inadvertently paved the way for countless conspiracy theories—because who wouldn't want to believe that their microwave is secretly tuned into foreign spies?. Fact: The FCC and conspiracy theorists have one thing in common: they both love to monitor what comes out of the box. Spoiler alert: it's usually just reruns..
• Headline: SEES AIR FREIGHTER NEAR; Colonel Stromme Says Designs Are Completed for Plane. Impact: Colonel Stromme’s designs for air freighters sparked a mini-aviation revolution, leading to the unfortunate trend of people thinking they could simply attach wings to their delivery vans. Spoiler: it didn’t end well.. Fact: Air freight might be the future, but let's be honest: nothing beats the thrill of waiting for a package that’s mysteriously gone ‘out for delivery’ for three days..
• Headline: Miss Kenny's Paralysis Theory Verified by Tests, Doctors Say. Impact: Miss Kenny’s theory verification led to a dramatic shift in medical education, with professors now emphasizing the importance of creative naming—because who wouldn't want to study 'Kenny's Kooky Paralysis Paradigm'?. Fact: Medical theories are often like fashion trends: they come back around every few decades, leaving us all to wonder how we ever thought they were a good idea in the first place..