JULY 11, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mayor Discusses Food Conservation Strategies. Impact: This lecture could have inspired a culinary revolution. If those 300 women had taken the advice to heart, we might now be living in a world where leftover fats are seen as the new superfood—welcome to the 21st century, where 'old grease' is gourmet!. Fact: Changing the flavor of leftovers is basically the 1940s version of 'just add avocado.'.
• Headline: Edward S. Lorenz: Church Music Pioneer. Impact: Edward S. Lorenz founding a publishing firm might have inadvertently led to the butterfly effect of modern music publishing. Who knew that his church music would evolve into pop hits about heartbreak and existential dread?. Fact: At 87, Lorenz was probably still composing while everyone else was just trying to remember where they put their glasses.
• Headline: Abroad; The United States Spells Out Its Policy Toward France. Impact: The U.S. spelling out its policy toward France might have caused future diplomats to overthink every letter they send. Little did they know, this would lead to future generations obsessing over the correct placement of commas in international treaties. Fact: The U.S. and France have had a love-hate relationship since the dawn of time. It’s like a rom-com with better cuisine.
• Headline: REUBEN 1H. ACDONA1.15. Impact: Reuben Macdonald's headline might have caused future generations to think that all successful men must have 'Reuben' in their name. Imagine a world where every CEO is named Reuben!. Fact: Reuben is actually just a sandwich. So, technically, we could have been talking about lunch, not a person.
• Headline: Bank's Expansion Approved. Impact: The bank's expansion approval might have set off a chain reaction of financial institutions deciding they, too, wanted to grow. This led to the great financial bubble, which eventually burst—oops!. Fact: Banks expanding is like your friend deciding to get a bigger house after their first tax refund; it rarely ends well.
• Headline: Topics of The Times. Impact: The Topics of the Times column could have led to a frenzy of reluctant sharers in California, sparking a cultural movement in sharing... that ultimately ended with everyone hoarding toilet paper instead. Fact: If Californians were 'reluctant sharers,' they were probably just waiting for an influencer to tell them it was cool.
• Headline: NELSON SETS ARMS AT 46 BILLION IN '42, 75 BILLION IN '43; Tremendous Task Lies Ahead, but Strong Nation Is Ready Even for Long War, He Says DETROIT'S FEAT 'AMAZING' Auto Men Are Told They Will Produce 12 Billion a Year, Sixth of War Output NELSON PUTS ARMS AT 45 BILLION IN '42. Impact: Nelson's arms race forecast might have made future generations think that all nations should just keep upping their budgets for military spending until they reached a point of absurdity—cue the arms race meme. Fact: If only Nelson knew that one day, people would be spending billions on video games instead of actual arms!.
• Headline: JOHN HENRY HAMILTON; i Philadelphia Engineer Designed , Many Bridges There -- Dies at 63. Impact: John Henry Hamilton's bridge designs likely inspired future engineers to think they could build anything—like the internet. Who knew that bridges would lead to the metaphorical bridges of information?. Fact: Hamilton designed many bridges, but it’s a shame he didn’t get to see the golden age of selfies on those same bridges.
• Headline: BOND NOTES. Impact: The issuance of bond notes might have created a financial legacy that taught future generations that debt can be a beautiful thing... until it isn’t. Welcome to adulthood!. Fact: Bond interest payments are like that friend who always borrows money but never pays back—except this one has an official title!.