MAY 28, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senator Muzzicato Advocates Cheap Milk. Impact: This noble quest for milk prices could have led to a dairy revolution, where everyone started drinking excess milk and developing extraordinary calcium powers. Superheroes could have emerged from the dairy aisles!. Fact: Fun fact: If you drink enough milk, you can almost achieve super-human strength—unless you’re lactose intolerant, then you just achieve super-human discomfort..
• Headline: Judge Supports Homeless Youth in 1942. Impact: The judge's promise of aid could have inspired a nationwide movement that led to the founding of orphanages that double as tech startups, setting a precedent for entrepreneurial orphans. They would be running the world today!. Fact: Orphans have been known to make excellent entrepreneurs; they have experience in navigating tough situations, unlike most of us with our overly protective parents..
• Headline: SHAW NOW SEEKING 'CANDIDA' ROYALTY; Playwright Expects Payment for the Army and Navy Relief Engagements. Impact: Had Shaw received his royalties on time, he might have written a sequel to 'Candida' that would have revolutionized the theater industry, leading to a new age of playwrights who only wrote plays about mold.. Fact: George Bernard Shaw was so prolific that if he had a dollar for every play he wrote, he could have funded a small country—or at least a really nice dinner!.
• Headline: Elliott Roosevelt in Hospital. Impact: Elliott's hospitalization could have led to a series of political power struggles had he not recovered, changing the direction of Roosevelt family legacy forever and possibly leading to a different President altogether.. Fact: Elliott Roosevelt once said that he would rather be in a hospital than face his family at Thanksgiving. That’s family for you!.
• Headline: Niagara Landmark Being Moved. Impact: Relocating a historic landmark could have sparked a trend where all landmarks were moved to more 'convenient' locations, leading to a world where the Eiffel Tower might have been plopped down in a parking lot.. Fact: Did you know that moving landmarks is a great way to avoid tourism? Just ask the stone chimney—it’s been hiding out ever since!.
• Headline: DROP SUBSIDY AID TO PRICE CEILINGS; Administration Forces in Senate Concede Defeat and Join in Rejecting Plan RFC BILL THEN PASSED This Increases Borrowing Limit of Agency to $5,000,000,000 -- Measure to White House. Impact: This rejection could have led to a series of economic crises, resulting in a dystopian future where everyone trades goods with overpriced coffee beans and bottled water as currency.. Fact: Did you know that Congress can’t seem to agree on anything? They’d probably argue about the color of the sky if it meant they could avoid actual work..
• Headline: Richmond Electric Rates Cut. Impact: This rate cut could have sparked a wave of 'electricity hoarders' who would have stockpiled energy for a future where electricity was more valuable than gold, leading to blackouts and a rise in candle businesses.. Fact: Richmond's electric rates were so high at one point that people considered living in the dark as a viable lifestyle choice—who knew hipster light deprivation had such deep roots?.
• Headline: Price Ceilings Applied To the Undertaker's Bill. Impact: Applying price ceilings on undertaker bills could have led to a rise in DIY funerals, where families would instead opt for backyard burials with homemade coffins, creating a whole new market for casket-making kits.. Fact: Did you know that there’s a fine line between an extravagant funeral and a yard sale? One involves a lot of crying, and the other involves a lot of haggling!.