MARCH 19, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Books of the Times: Valor of Ignorance. Impact: If only we had valued ignorance more, we might have avoided all those awkward family dinners where everyone pretended to know the latest political scandal. Instead, ignorance became bliss, and now we just have to endure reality TV.. Fact: Books are like time machines, except instead of traveling to the past, you just end up in the same awkward conversations with your relatives..
• Headline: Launch of Another C-2 Cargo Ship. Impact: The launch of this ship created a chain reaction leading to countless future vessels being launched, eventually resulting in a global obsession with cruise ships and reality TV shows about people stranded on them. Thanks a lot, C-2!. Fact: Launching ships is basically like throwing a really expensive bottle into the ocean and hoping it doesn't sink immediately..
• Headline: Sailors and Girls Join Free French Forces. Impact: The recruitment of these sailors and girls was the spark that ignited the modern trend of people leaving their cozy homes to join causes they barely understand. Today, we call it 'adulting'!. Fact: 117 sailors and six girls? Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. Why did the sailors take the girls? Because they needed someone to help navigate... the awkwardness..
• Headline: MRS. J. CLAYTON AUSTIN. Impact: This headline reminds us that history is often written by the wives of important people. If Mrs. J. Clayton Austin had taken up an interest in time travel, we might have a lot more juicy gossip from the past!. Fact: Behind every great man is an even greater woman, rolling her eyes and wondering when he’ll finally get his act together..
• Headline: BRITISH FIGHT DRIVE; Forward Units Engage in Retiring Action on Road to Toungoo AMERICAN FLIERS AID Bomb Foe Along Sittang, Smash 15 Planes on Moulmein Fields. Impact: This forward action led to a series of military tactics that could only be described as 'running away and hoping for the best.' It’s a strategy that has been employed by students during finals week ever since.. Fact: Engaging in a 'retiring action' sounds so much nicer than running for your life. Can we get some of that PR for everyday life?.
• Headline: JAPANESE SEIZED AS SPIES IN BRAZIL; ' Count' and 'Priest' Said to Have Directed Nationals to Await Tokyo Orders NAZI WORK CAMP IS BARED Gestapo Guards 'Unemployed' -- Resentment at Sinkings Rises in Uruguay. Impact: The capture of these spies in Brazil set off a conspiracy theory chain reaction that still has some people convinced that the world is run by a secret cabal of priests and counts. Spoiler: it’s not.. Fact: Who knew that spy work could be so glamorous? A count and a priest? Sounds like the start of a bad sitcom..
• Headline: Air-Raid Corps for Princeton. Impact: The formation of the student air raid corps at Princeton inspired generations of students to take their campus safety into their own hands, leading to an unexpected increase in pillow fort construction during exams.. Fact: Air raid drills in schools were basically just practice for future generations of college students trying to avoid responsibility..
• Headline: DAYTON BALDWIN; Horse Dealer, 94 Years Old, !s Fatally Hurt at Auction. Impact: The tragic death of Dayton Baldwin at an auction led to stricter safety regulations in horse trading, which ironically resulted in fewer horse dealers but way more horse memes.. Fact: Being a horse dealer at 94 years old is like being a kid in a candy store, except the candy can kick you..
• Headline: BRITON SLAIN BY SWISS; Sentry's Warning Shot Glances Off a Rock, Killing Internee. Impact: The accidental shooting of an interned Brit soldier by a Swiss sentry sparked a series of debates about the ethics of military training, which led to the creation of the phrase 'Oops, my bad' in military parlance.. Fact: Accidental shootings are the kind of historical events that remind us that even sentries have bad days. Talk about a real-life struggle!.