FEBRUARY 3, 1942

Full News Archive

• Headline: Three Italians Arrested for Espionage. Impact: If only those Italians had buried some pizza instead! Who knows, maybe Italy would have become the world's pizza capital sooner, leading to an international pizza crisis. Imagine a world where pizza is illegal. Chaos!. Fact: In Italy, burying transmitters is less common than burying the hatchet—unless you're hiding from the pizza police!.
• Headline: Senate Votes $26.5 Billion for Navy. Impact: This monumental funding for the Navy led to an arms race that would eventually make every child’s toy more dangerous. Thanks to this bill, future generations had no choice but to grow up with action figures equipped with more artillery than the average small country.. Fact: 26 1/2 billion sounds like a lot, but in political terms, it’s just a warm-up for the next round of 'How to Spend Taxpayer Money'..
• Headline: Benno Coen's Impact in 1942. Impact: Benno Cohen's rise to fame, or at least notoriety, might have led to an alternate timeline where everyone named Benno became famous. Think about it: Benno the Baker, Benno the Barber... a world run by Bennos!. Fact: Benno is a name that tends to inspire curiosity. Not to be confused with ‘Bingo’, which only inspires confusion..
• Headline: 30,000 MOTORISTS RUSH FOR LICENSES; Offices Here Crowded on Last Day for Using 1941 Plates Without Penalty. Impact: This mad rush for licenses meant that in some bizarre alternate universe, the DMV became the most popular tourist attraction, complete with rides and cotton candy. Who wouldn’t want to spend a day getting their number called after three hours?. Fact: 30,000 motorists rushing for licenses is like a Black Friday sale for the DMV—except there’s no discount and the lines are much longer!.
• Headline: R.A.F. BLASTS FOE IN BOATS IN BURMA; Hundreds of Japanese Hurled Into the Salween River, but Some Finally Get Over JAPANESE THRUST IN BURMA BALKED R.A.F. BLASTS FOE IN BOATS IN BURMA. Impact: The R.A.F.'s success against the Japanese in Burma possibly paved the way for future war movies with unrealistic explosions and heroic one-liners. Thanks to this event, Hollywood found a new niche: 'Based on a true story, but totally exaggerated!'. Fact: The Salween River now has a reputation for being the most dramatic backdrop in history—right up there with the Titanic and the last slice of pizza..
• Headline: ART SHOWS OFFER MARINE SUBJECTS; Beatrice Cuming Has Canvases in the Guy Mayer Gallery -- Julian Levi at Downtown HARBORS, SHIPS ON LISTS Paintings of Two Americans Are Drastically Dissimilar in Their Content. Impact: This art show may have sparked a movement where marine-themed art became all the rage, eventually leading to a reality show called 'The Real Art Dealers of Marine Subjects'. Think of the drama! Who knew fish could be so scandalous?. Fact: Art can be subjective, but if you’re not painting fish, did you even paint anything at all? Asking for a friend..
• Headline: MAYOR AIDS BENEFIT; Buys Tickets to Navy Relief Show From Brenda Marshall. Impact: Mayor LaGuardia's ticket purchase could have inadvertently started a trend of mayors becoming celebrity philanthropists. Who knew that buying tickets would lead to a political landscape filled with karaoke fundraisers and interpretive dance benefits?. Fact: Buying tickets to a benefit show is a classic move. They say it’s the thought that counts, but it’s really just the ticket stub that gets you in the door..
• Headline: Four Guilty of Mulcting Small Borrowers; Curb on 'Vicious Practices' by Others Seen. Impact: The crackdown on loan sharking practices made it slightly less dangerous to borrow money, but it also led to an underground economy of 'friendly loans' that involved secret handshakes and way too much awkward small talk.. Fact: When it comes to personal loans, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Unless you’re borrowing from your grandma—then it’s just a matter of time before you have to return her favorite casserole dish..
• Headline: U.S. Materials Prevent Wide Shutdown in Mexico. Impact: Preventing a factory shutdown in Mexico meant that future generations would have to deal with 'Made in Mexico' being a popular label on everything from toys to tacos—thank goodness for those U.S. materials!. Fact: U.S. raw materials: saving the day and probably causing a few international trade negotiations to get awkwardly heated at the same time..
• Headline: TELLS STRASSER'S STATUS; Canadian Premier Says German Is Not Raising an Anti-Red Force. Impact: The clarification about Strasser in Canada might have led to a global misunderstanding where Canadians became known for their anti-red campaigns against ketchup. Imagine the condiment wars!. Fact: Canadians are known for being polite, but when it comes to politics, they sure know how to raise a ruckus—just ask any maple syrup enthusiast!.