SEPTEMBER 18, 1941

Full News Archive

• Headline: A.F.L. Supports LaGuardia's Re-election. Impact: If only LaGuardia had been ousted, we might have seen a renaissance of questionable mayoral candidates. Imagine a world where cats ran for office! But alas, labor unions had other plans.. Fact: The A.F.L. and C.I.O. were like the Montagues and Capulets of labor unions, but with less poetic flair and more picket signs..
• Headline: US Asks South Africa to Delay Import Curbs. Impact: A request to delay trade restrictions spiraled into a global game of chicken. Spoiler alert: the chicken lost, and so did the economy. Who knew that asking nicely could lead to such chaos?. Fact: South Africa's import restrictions were like that one friend who suddenly decides to go on a diet – it affects everyone else’s pizza party..
• Headline: Breakthrough in Biotin Research. Impact: Discovering a 'super-vitamin' could have led to a world where everyone was perpetually energetic but also slightly paranoid about their nutrient intake. Imagine a universe where we all became health-obsessed! Oh wait, we kinda did.. Fact: Biotin is often touted as a miracle for hair and nails. So, if you’re ever in doubt about your life choices, just remember: at least you’re not a biotin deficiency away from being a hairless wonder..
• Headline: Lack of Steel Causes Lay-Off. Impact: The lack of steel led to layoffs, which in turn inspired a generation of motivational speakers who would later tell people they could 'forge their own path.' Too bad no one had any steel to do that!. Fact: When they say 'laid off,' they really mean 'enjoy your new full-time role as a couch potato, starring in the drama of daytime television.'.
• Headline: FBI SHOWS MOVIES OF SPY RENDEZVOUS; Agents Tell of Hearing, From Hiding Place, Plans to Wreck General Electric Plant CANDY BOMBS DESCRIBED Witnesses Say Duquesne Told Sebold How Phosphorus in Sweets Makes Incendiaries. Impact: The FBI's spy revelations could have led to a thrilling new genre of espionage films, where candy is the weapon of choice. Imagine James Bond with a bag of gummy bears instead of gadgets.. Fact: This spy plot was so convoluted that it could rival any soap opera. Who knew sweets could be so sinister? That's a real twist on 'sugar-coated.'.
• Headline: Walter Dutton Plans to Retire. Impact: Walter Dutton's retirement set off a chain reaction of 'who's next?' conversations, leading to awkward office parties and cake that no one really wanted. The legacy of 'the awkward retirement' was born.. Fact: Retirement is just a fancy word for 'I’m done pretending to care about this job.'.
• Headline: Sergt. Pilot Ward, V.C., Is Missing After Flight. Impact: Sgt. Pilot Ward's disappearance could have sparked a new search-and-rescue reality show, replete with dramatic music and cliffhangers. 'Where in the world is Sgt. Ward?' would have been the next big hit.. Fact: Being reported missing in action is not the best career move. It certainly doesn’t help with your LinkedIn profile..
• Headline: NAVY CONVOYS LINER INTO PORT AT LISBON; Excambion Is Met at Sea and Safeguarded for First Time. Impact: The navy convoying a liner into port could have rewritten the rules of maritime travel. Picture a world where every boat trip had military escort – now that’s a vacation with extra security.. Fact: If you think your cruise ship is over the top, just remember: they could have sent in the navy to make sure you don't get lost on the buffet line..
• Headline: Utica Mills Raise Wages 10%. Impact: Utica Mills raising wages could lead to a ripple effect of demands for higher pay everywhere! Next thing you know, everyone’s expecting to be paid in gold doubloons.. Fact: Raising wages is like giving a hamster a wheel: they’ll run and run, but you’re still not getting anywhere fast!.
• Headline: ACADIA GOES TO U.S. FOR MONTH'S SERVICE; Alcoa Line Says Ship Will Be Returned in November. Impact: Alcoa's decision to lease the Acadia might have sparked a shipping boom, leading to a world where cargo ships were the new luxury yachts. Who knew shipping could be so glamorous?. Fact: Leasing ships is basically the adult version of borrowing your friend's car, but with a lot more paperwork and no risk of a speeding ticket – unless you're in international waters!.