SEPTEMBER 3, 1941

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring 'Island in the Corn'. Impact: The publication of 'Island in the Corn' led to a massive corn-themed literary movement, sparking debates about whether corn should be the national vegetable, which ultimately resulted in an annual Corn Festival that still baffles historians today.. Fact: Did you know that 'Island in the Corn' was originally titled 'Corn: The Untold Story'? Apparently, the untold story was just that it was delicious and versatile..
• Headline: Army Construction Costs Surpass $3 Billion. Impact: The $3 billion army construction project became the catalyst for a secret society of engineers who believed they could build a time machine using military budgets, leading to an endless loop of misguided time travel attempts.. Fact: Isn't it amazing that 30% of that budget was probably spent on coffee breaks? Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Jarman Takes Charge at Camp Stewart. Impact: Jarman's assumption of command at Camp Stewart led to a series of increasingly ridiculous team-building exercises, including a mandatory 'Trust Fall' off a C-130, which somehow made soldiers more cohesive, albeit slightly paranoid.. Fact: Maj Gen Jarman later claimed he could 'command any camp'—which was pretty easy considering most of them had a 'no camping' policy..
• Headline: Moves for New Fuel Source. Impact: The push for a new fuel source led to a short-lived craze for using mashed potatoes as biofuel, which was great until everyone realized that mashed potatoes don't burn well, but they do lead to an increase in comfort food consumption.. Fact: If we had pursued potato fuel further, we might have avoided the 1980s 'Potato Crisis'—the world was just not ready for that much mashed potato!.
• Headline: DAVIES PETITIONS ASSAILED IN COURT; Testimony Shows Candidate's Aide Bought Signatures of 5,200 Just Before Deadline. Impact: The scandal surrounding Davies' petition to buy signatures sparked a nationwide distrust in political campaigns, resulting in the creation of a secret 'signature verification' club that ended up just being a group of bored citizens playing bingo.. Fact: Buying signatures? Classic move! Just like that time someone tried to sell ice to Eskimos—if only they had just asked for free samples instead!.
• Headline: Axis Labor Held Better Off. Impact: The defense of Axis labor by Gayda led to a series of ironic labor strikes among Axis supporters, who ironically demanded better working conditions while simultaneously supporting oppressive regimes.. Fact: It's almost like they were saying, 'We're fine with oppression, but can we at least get a coffee break?'.
• Headline: FUNERAL PLANS MADE FOR D.L. CLENDENIN; Workers League Official Was Killed in Auto Accident. Impact: The tragic death of D.L. Clendenin resulted in a profound impact on labor movements, leading to increased safety regulations in the workplace, as no one wanted to be the next headline.. Fact: Clendenin was known for saying, 'Drive safely, or I'll haunt you!'—and it turns out he was not kidding..
• Headline: Postmen Air Pet Peeves At Annual Convention. Impact: The postmen's annual convention allowed them to air grievances, which eventually morphed into an underground movement advocating for the right to wear flip-flops while delivering mail.. Fact: Postmen have the best stories—like that one time they almost delivered mail to the moon. Spoiler alert: it got lost in space!.