FEBRUARY 20, 1941

Full News Archive

• Headline: Brig. Gen. Lancelot Koe Remembered. Impact: Had Koe not been a British veteran, who knows? The British might have taken a wrong turn in Egypt and ended up in a pyramid scheme instead of the pyramids.. Fact: Lancelot Koe's name sounds like he could be a character in a medieval fantasy novel, but instead, he was just a guy with a penchant for sand and sunburns..
• Headline: Life of Mother Mary Medulpha. Impact: If Mother Mary Medulpha hadn’t existed, the world might have been deprived of an entire genre of saintly memes and inspirational quotes on cat posters.. Fact: Medulpha is not just a name; it’s the perfect blend of motherly love and an exotic dish that nobody can pronounce correctly..
• Headline: Labor Party Assembly in NYC, 1941. Impact: The Labor Party’s meeting probably led to the inevitable conclusion that they’d all just sit around, drink coffee, and debate the merits of various types of sandwiches.. Fact: Delegates assemble so often you’d think they were trying to form a union for assembling delegates..
• Headline: CITY SUBWAY BARS BLIND MAN'S DOG; Queens Community Group to Demand Law to Allow Such Animals to Ride. Impact: Had the subway allowed the blind man's dog, we might have seen a whole new era of canine commuters, leading to a doggy revolution in public transport.. Fact: Who knew that a blind man's dog could become the poster child for 'paws'itive change in legislation?.
• Headline: AID CHINA RELIEF GROUP; 20 U.S. Writers to Work for Emergency Committee. Impact: If 20 U.S. writers band together, it could lead to the next big dystopian novel where everyone writes about how they saved China, but nobody reads it.. Fact: The writers probably thought they were signing up for a book club, not a relief effort. Surprise!.
• Headline: COLLEGE TEACHERS TO FIGHT INQUIRY; Union Plans Federal Court Suit to Test Committee's Right to Records ITS OFFICERS SUBPOENAED Called to Testify Today on Subversive Activities in City School System. Impact: The inquiry into college teachers could very well have sparked a nationwide trend of educators going underground, leading to secret societies of teachers plotting the next great syllabus.. Fact: Subversive activities in schools? Sounds like a typical Monday for any high school teacher trying to get through the day..
• Headline: 2 New City Investing Directors. Impact: The decision of two new directors could lead to a butterfly effect of bad decisions, resulting in mandatory Hawaiian shirt Fridays at the office.. Fact: The directors were probably elected because they played a mean game of rock-paper-scissors..
• Headline: Patterson Inspects Old Seventh. Impact: Patterson inspecting the Old Seventh might have inspired future leaders to inspect things that really didn't need inspecting, like the supply of pencils in classrooms.. Fact: Inspecting an army unit sounds impressive until you realize he was just checking if they could still march in sync..
• Headline: ELMIRA CLUB FETE TO AID WAR RELIEF; College Alumnae Here Will Use Proceeds of Dance Feb. 28 to Ship Supplies to England. Impact: The Elmira Club's dance for war relief might have inadvertently started the tradition of awkward dancing at charity events, where no one knows what to do with their hands.. Fact: They say dancing is a universal language, but judging by the moves at these events, it might be more like a bad translation..