JANUARY 21, 1941

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rome Expands Airline Service to Rio. Impact: If only Rome had expanded its airline to Rio earlier, we might have avoided the whole 'glad to see you, but sorry about your luggage' experience in transatlantic air travel. Perhaps it would have led to a new era of vacationing Romans who would bring back, oh I don't know, a deep appreciation for beach umbrellas?. Fact: The only thing more confusing than airline scheduling is the fact that the Romans invented concrete. Now they just needed to invent a way to keep it from getting lost in transit..
• Headline: Miami Widow Robbed of Precious Jewelry. Impact: This unfortunate incident sparked a new trend in Miami jewelry sales: 'Widow-Proofing.' Jewelers now offer certified theft-resistant items, just in case the local thugs get curious about your old baubles.. Fact: Miami's crime rate skyrocketed after this incident, but at least the widow had a great story for her next book club meeting!.
• Headline: SEAS HIT MANHATTAN: Liner Grounded. Impact: If the Manhattan had not gotten stuck, perhaps we'd never have had the phrase 'aground and confused' enter maritime vocabulary, leading to a surge in nautical-themed therapy sessions.. Fact: The last time a ship was stuck in the sand this long, it was in a failed reality show about maritime life called 'Survivor: Sand Dunes Edition.'.
• Headline: JOHN NICHOLAS VOLGER. Impact: John Nicholas Volger? A name so memorable it has left historians scratching their heads. What if he was actually a time traveler, and this is just his cover story? You can’t trust anyone with just two first names!. Fact: While not much is recorded about him, it’s widely believed that his name was often confused with a local sandwich shop. Volger's Sandwiches: the best thing to happen to lunchtime since the invention of bread!.
• Headline: COIL WORKERS JOIN HARVESTER STRIKE; 150 of 250 Making Parts for Other Plants Quit at Call of C.I.O. Committee DEFENSE TIE-UP IS FEARED Federal Conciliator Confers With Union and Company Officials on Demands. Impact: This strike was the spark that led to the invention of the modern coffee break, where workers realized it was more productive to complain over caffeine than to actually work. Thanks, coil workers!. Fact: In a shocking twist, the phrase 'work-life balance' was coined shortly after this strike, proving that sometimes, chaos leads to enlightenment... or just more coffee..
• Headline: WIDER NAZI HELP EXPECTED IN ROME; Increased Collaboration in the Mediterranean Is Foreseen in Hitler-Mussolini Talk U.S. AID TO BRITISH CITED Gayda Says Our Planes Fly in Libya, but Communique Is Silent on Axis Moves. Impact: Increased Nazi collaboration in the Mediterranean led to a series of unfortunate events, culminating in a new genre of films: 'Historical Tragedies.' Who knew that a little cooperation could spiral into global chaos?. Fact: Hitler and Mussolini's talks were less 'Axis Powers' and more 'Axis of Miscommunication,' as their plans for world domination fell apart faster than a bad soufflé..
• Headline: DUTCH CONVOY IN PACIFIC; Cruiser Escorts Merchantmen for First Seven Days of Trip. Impact: The Dutch convoy in the Pacific marked the beginning of the 'who can escort whom' competition, leading to the invention of the bumper sticker: 'My other ship is a cruiser.'. Fact: The Dutch were so proud of their convoy that they gave it a name: 'Operation Merchantman-Makeover.' Spoiler alert: It didn’t catch on..
• Headline: AIDE DENIES HITLER SEEKS WORLD RULE; Dietrich Gives German Academy a Talk on the 'New Europe'. Impact: In denying Hitler's ambitions for world rule, this aide inadvertently created a new genre of conspiracy theories that would haunt the internet for decades. Thanks to this denial, 'What if?' became the favorite pastime of bored historians.. Fact: The phrase 'New Europe' was also used in a failed 80s sitcom about a group of friends trying to navigate life after college, proving that history has a sense of humor..
• Headline: POLES LAUNCH SUBMARINE; Vessel Built in Britain to Take Place of Lost Craft. Impact: The launch of the Polish submarine Sokol was a pivotal moment that would inspire countless Hollywood movies about underwater adventures. Little did they know, this would lead to the 'submarine thriller' genre.. Fact: The Polish submarine was named after a falcon, but its crew had a running joke that it was really named after a popular snack food. 'Sokol' was just a clever code for 'soda and kolaczki.'.