JANUARY 6, 1941

Full News Archive

• Headline: Support for China During World War II. Impact: The U.S. aid to China set off a chain reaction that led to the Great Chinese Takeout Boom of the late 20th century. Who knew a few dollars could influence American diets forever?. Fact: In the end, U.S. aid might have just helped China perfect its dumpling recipe. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Sigma Tau Delta Initiates New Members. Impact: The initiation of these 17 students into Sigma Tau Delta would eventually lead to an elite society of writers who could pen the world's next great novel... or just a really great Yelp review. Fact: Sigma Tau Delta: Where future authors gather to discuss the meaning of life while ignoring their student loans.
• Headline: FRANK E, PARKER. Impact: Frank E. Parker's name would be lost to history, but his attempt to market 'Frankly Speaking' as a motivational podcast would fail tragically, leading to the rise of more charismatic speakers. Fact: Frank E. Parker: Because sometimes you just need a middle initial to feel important.
• Headline: Slays His Wife at Mass in Grand Rapids, Waves Gun From Altar to Hold Off Capture. Impact: This tragic event led to the introduction of stricter gun control laws across the nation, which ironically made it harder for future generations to hold dramatic hostage situations at mass. Fact: Mass shootings have sadly become a common occurrence in history, but they still don't have the decency to come with a warning label.
• Headline: FRANK; C. HUNTINGTON. Impact: Frank C. Huntington's name would be forever associated with the phrase 'one of those guys,' leading to a series of unfortunate events where every Huntington thereafter was immediately judged. Fact: You know, Frank C. Huntington was the first in a long line of 'who's that?' people in history.
• Headline: HENRI BERGSON, 8i, PHILOSOPHER, DIES; Famous French Educator Who J Won Nobel 1928 Literature Prize Stricken in Paris GAVE UP FRENCH HONORS Action a Protest Against the Recently Enacted Laws Against tile Jews. Impact: Henri Bergson's death sparked a renewed interest in philosophy, resulting in everyone pretending to read Kant at coffee shops for decades to come, leading to a caffeine-fueled existential crisis. Fact: Bergson once said that time is not a straight line, which is ironic because the timeline of philosophers is pretty linear—mostly just dead at the end.
• Headline: Article 5 -- No Title. Impact: The article's vague title led to countless misunderstandings about what actually happened in Wilmington, creating a whole new genre of mysterious headlines that would be referenced in conspiracy theories for generations. Fact: Sometimes, 'article without a title' is just another way of saying, 'we didn't bother to edit this.'.
• Headline: Screen Awards Are Presented By the Critics at a Reception. Impact: The New York Film Critics' awards ceremony gave rise to a decade-long feud between critics and filmmakers, resulting in some of the most hilariously awkward acceptance speeches in history. Fact: Because nothing says 'thank you' like a passive-aggressive speech about how everyone has terrible taste in films, right?.