DECEMBER 26, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bronx Zoo Lions Find New Habitat. Impact: The lions' escape set off a chain reaction that led to the creation of a wildly popular reality show where former zoo animals critique human habitats. Little did they know, it would also spark a global movement towards animal rights and the eventual rise of cat influencers.. Fact: Did you know that lions can actually roar louder than a jet engine? So, if you ever hear one in your backyard, it's probably time to rethink your living situation..
• Headline: Roy A. Reynolds: Retail Pioneer. Impact: Roy A. Reynolds' decision to buy Montgomery Ward instead of opening a taco truck led to a taco shortage in the 90s. This shortage would eventually cause people to resort to making their own, resulting in the rise of hipster taco joints across America.. Fact: Buying Montgomery Ward instead of a taco truck? Bold move, Roy. Next, you’ll tell us you prefer sweaters over nachos..
• Headline: Maritime Workers Reject Union Plan. Impact: The opposition to the One Sea Union inadvertently created a secret society of marine firemen who now control the world's fish supply. Their motto? 'You can have peace, but only if you can catch a tuna.'. Fact: Marine firemen opposing a union? Someone should tell them that teamwork makes the dream work—especially when the dream involves not sinking..
• Headline: Topics of The Times. Impact: The topics discussed in this column eventually led to the invention of the 'Hot Takes' genre, which has since spiraled into a digital wasteland of social media debates about whether pineapple belongs on pizza.. Fact: Topics of The Times? More like 'Topics of Yawn'—because who really cares about resolutions when there are cat videos to watch?.
• Headline: Skeptics Within Flock Assailed As Worst Threat to Christianity; Greater Menace Than Disbelievers, Dr. R.H. Brooks Says in Sermon at St. Thomas-- Memorial Doors Dedicated. Impact: Dr. R.H. Brooks' sermon was the catalyst for a new wave of church-goers who believed that skepticism was the real enemy, leading to a booming market for anti-skeptic merchandise. Think 'Skeptics Beware' bumper stickers.. Fact: Skeptics are the worst threat to Christianity? And here I thought it was the church's obsession with potluck dinners..
• Headline: Bomb Scare in Union City. Impact: The bomb scare incident prompted the establishment of mandatory package inspections that would eventually lead to the creation of a multi-billion dollar industry in security scanning technology—because nothing says 'peace of mind' like watching your belongings get x-rayed.. Fact: A bomb scare? Guess someone really wanted to spice up the holiday season. Who knew the real gift was anxiety?.
• Headline: DODGES WARS, GETS RELICS OUT OF SYRIA; Explorer's Wife Brings Home Sons--Fortune in Suitcase. Impact: The explorer's wife's decision to bring back relics instead of souvenirs led to a black market for ancient artifacts, which surprisingly funded a new generation of archaeologists who prefer digging for treasures over digging through thrift stores.. Fact: Bringing home relics in a suitcase? That’s one way to ensure your vacation baggage claim is more interesting than your trip..