OCTOBER 25, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: C.R. Smith Defends Willkie Amid Inquiry. Impact: C.R. Smith's defense of Willkie somehow led to an underground society forming in the 1960s, dedicated to proving that the SEC was actually a front for a group of time travelers manipulating stock markets. They were only half right, but hey, it makes for great conspiracy theories!. Fact: The SEC has been around since 1934, proving that bureaucratic red tape can survive longer than most relationships..
• Headline: Thomas vs. Willkie: The 1940 Debate Challenge. Impact: Thomas challenging Willkie to a debate sparked a century-long tradition of politicians avoiding actual discussions like they were the plague, forever leading to public forums that resemble shouting matches rather than reasoned discourse.. Fact: Debates are like reality TV for politics, except the outcomes are often just as scripted..
• Headline: Price Curbs Lifted in 1940. Impact: The removal of price curbs led to inflation rates skyrocketing. This was the beginning of the 'I’ll just wait for the sale' mindset that now dominates shopping behaviors, ensuring that no one ever pays full price for anything ever again.. Fact: Price curbs are like diet plans: everyone knows they work, but nobody wants to stick to them..
• Headline: INTERSTATE VOTING CHARGED IN JERSEY; Senate Group Hears Persons From as Far as Michigan Balloted at Long Beach REPUBLICANS ARE ACCUSED Inquiry Shifts to Ocean County, Where Another 'I Am the Law' Mayor Is Discovered. Impact: The interstate voting scandal in New Jersey set a precedent for political drama that would inspire countless movies and reality shows, proving once and for all that politics is really just a soap opera in disguise.. Fact: Long Beach Township's voting issues became so infamous, they're now a case study in how not to do things, right alongside memes of cats trying to swim..
• Headline: MAYOR DENOUNCES WILLKIE AS FICKLE; Quotes Nominee's Utterances as Evidence He Has Reversed Himself on Vital Issues. Impact: LaGuardia's denouncement of Willkie as fickle started a trend of politicians throwing shade at each other, which evolved into the modern Twitter feud. Now, instead of debates, we just get 280-character insults.. Fact: Fickleness in politics has always been a thing—just ask any politician who's changed their stance after a poll..
• Headline: BERLE CRITICIZES WILLKIE; Says Nominee Has Made Not One Constructive Suggestion. Impact: Berle's criticism of Willkie's lack of suggestions led to a never-ending cycle of politicians promising the world but delivering nothing, paving the way for future generations to perfect the art of vague campaigning.. Fact: Constructive criticism is just a fancy way of saying, 'I have ideas, but I’m too lazy to explain them.'.
• Headline: SPANIARDS WARNED DIE HAS BEEN CAST; Entry Into War is Hinted, With Pleas for Erasure of Civil War Differences. Impact: The warnings from Spaniards hinting at war were the butterfly flaps that eventually led to a global conflict, which ironically made everyone forget their civil war differences—because nothing unites like a common enemy.. Fact: Spain’s civil war was like a family feud that everyone else had to step in and break up, with far too many awkward Thanksgiving dinners as a result..
• Headline: WILLKIE PICTURES NATION EMPLOYED; Would 'Unify' Industry, Labor and Farm, Clear Slums, House All, Extend Social Gains WANTS 'BAD BLOOD' ENDED Says in Akron New Deal Has Divided Americans--Warmly Received at Three Rallies. Impact: Willkie's vision of unifying various sectors of society led to the idea that politicians could actually achieve anything, which is now a common joke among adults who have lost their faith in government.. Fact: The dream of unifying industry, labor, and farm is like trying to herd cats—everyone has their own agenda..