OCTOBER 20, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Essential Tax Adjustments for Economic Growth. Impact: If only M.Y. Cooper's tax suggestions had been implemented, perhaps we'd all be living in a world where 'prosperity' isn't just a buzzword used by politicians to distract us from their questionable decisions. Fact: Did you know that tax rates are like your ex? The more you try to ignore them, the more they affect your life.
• Headline: Holzworth Cleared in Fraud Case. Impact: Holzworth's acquittal set a precedent that led to a flourishing career for many future con artists, proving that if you have enough charm, you can wiggle out of anything, including a felony. Fact: M.J. Holzworth might have been acquitted, but let's be real—his reputation remains about as trustworthy as a politician's promise.
• Headline: SENTIMENT AGAINST JAPAN SEEN RISING; Gallup Survey Indicates 96% of U.S. Voters Approve of Embargo on Scrap Metal 90% FAVOR ITS EXTENSION Increase in Hostility Toward Tokyo Held to Date From Axis Pact Signing. Impact: The rising sentiment against Japan not only influenced U.S. foreign policy but also set the stage for decades of complex international relations, paving the way for future conflicts and diplomatic tensions that would make even soap operas look peaceful. Fact: The only thing more volatile than public sentiment during wartime is a teenager with a social media account.
• Headline: Our Common Sumac Makes A Good Shrub for Gardens; The Several Types Available Manage to Hold Their Own in Places Where Many Weaker Plants Would Perish. Impact: The triumph of the stubborn sumac led to an unforeseen gardening revolution, where homeowners realized they could just plant things that didn’t require much attention—much like their relationships. Fact: If sumac could talk, it would probably say, 'I survived the apocalypse; what’s your excuse?'.
• Headline: HARVARD, IN RALLY, TIES ARMY, 6 TO 6; Tallies in Fourth Period to Offset Mazur's Forty-Yard Scoring Dash in Third. Impact: This thrilling tie between Harvard and the Army sparked an endless debate on whether academia or the military was better, ultimately leading to the creation of countless memes and heated discussions in dorm rooms around the world. Fact: The real victory here? No one had to explain to their parents why they were failing gym class.
• Headline: MISS PERKINS DENIES DEAL WITH BRIDGES; 'Contempt' Telegram No Part of an Agreement, She Says. Impact: Miss Perkins' denial likely gave rise to a whole new genre of political intrigue, where every telegram became a potential scandal waiting to explode, paving the way for future generations of conspiracy theorists. Fact: In politics, denying a deal is like saying you’re on a diet while standing in front of a donut shop—good luck with that!.
• Headline: AIR CURRENTS. Impact: The fascination with air currents paved the way for aviation advancements, leading to more efficient flights and people being able to complain about turbulence from the comfort of their own seats. Fact: Air currents are the universe's way of reminding us that you can never truly escape turbulence, whether on the ground or in life.
• Headline: BIOGRAPHY OF A FUR COAT; FUR COAT'S BIOGRAPHY. Impact: The biography of a fur coat unwittingly contributed to the rise of animal rights movements, as people began to question whether their fashion choices should come with a conscience. Fact: If only that fur coat could talk, it would probably have more drama than any reality TV show.