SEPTEMBER 25, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: London's Devastating Night Air Raid. Impact: The destruction of historic buildings in London led to a sudden spike in the popularity of modern architecture, as citizens decided that nothing says 'rebirth' like a glass skyscraper. In a twist of fate, this encouraged the creation of the glass office building, which would later inspire countless complaints about cold office temperatures.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing worse than being bombed is having to explain to your insurance agent why your historic building is now just a pile of rubble?.
• Headline: Fort Dix Division Achieves Major Milestone. Impact: With a flood of inexperienced recruits, the military had no choice but to invent the term 'trial by fire.' This ultimately led to the creation of reality TV shows featuring soldiers who had no idea what they were doing, paving the way for future generations of unqualified influencers.. Fact: Fun fact: the only thing that outnumbers inexperienced soldiers? Their attempts to find the bathroom in a military camp..
• Headline: U.S. Retaliation Anticipated Post-Japanese Invasion. Impact: The pressure from Japan and the U.S. response set off a chain reaction of diplomatic blunders that would eventually lead to 'The Great Embargo of 2023,' where countries simply stopped talking to each other altogether and resorted to interpretive dance to settle disputes.. Fact: Did you know that the idea of a 'cultural pact' is just a fancy way of saying, 'Let's pretend we like each other until we don't?'.
• Headline: Draft Ages Woman 14 Years. Impact: This incident sparked a wave of brilliant ideas for reality shows centered around 'Who's the Real Parent?' and 'Age Guessing Games,' eventually leading to the rise of daytime talk shows that thrive on revealing family secrets.. Fact: Did you know that age is just a number? Especially when you're trying to get out of being drafted!.
• Headline: SEEK ALIEN TIE-UPS IN DEFENSE TRADES; Senate Committeemen Vote for the Wheeler Bill Asking an Investigation of Links SECRETS HELD IN DANGER 'Harmful Alliances' May Be Means of Revealing Our Plans to Some Land Abroad. Impact: The investigation into alien ties in defense trades led to a secret exchange program with extraterrestrials, resulting in a sudden influx of bizarre technologies like the 'unbreakable coffee mug' and 'self-buttering toast.'. Fact: Did you know that the biggest threat to our national security could actually be a poorly made cup of coffee?.
• Headline: Partners in Consolidated Firm. Impact: The consolidation of firms set off a chain of mergers that would eventually lead to the creation of mega-corporations. By the year 3000, we were all working for one corporation that sold everything from snacks to space travel, known simply as 'MegaCorp.'. Fact: Did you know that in corporate speak, 'consolidation' is just a fancy term for 'We’re taking over and there’s nothing you can do about it?'.
• Headline: Hitler Is Said to Be Forcing Japan Into the Axis for Attack on Britain; PRESSURE BY REICH ON JAPAN REPORTED. Impact: Hitler's pressure to align with Japan led to a chaotic Axis alliance, which ultimately inspired a popular board game called 'World Domination.' However, the game was too complicated, and players ended up just arguing about who got to be Hitler.. Fact: Did you know that the Axis powers were actually just a group of friends who couldn't agree on a restaurant?.
• Headline: SCREEN NEWS HERE AND IN HOLLYWOOD; Metro Purchases 'Viva Zapato' to Serve as a Vehicle for Robert Taylor COMEDY AT THE CRITERION 'Comin' Round the Mountain Opening Today--'Strike Up the Band' for Capitol. Impact: Hollywood's obsession with 'Viva Zapato' marked the beginning of a long line of movies centered around footwear, culminating in the eventual release of 'Shoe Wars: The Last Sole,' which ironically flopped at the box office.. Fact: Did you know that the real star of 'Viva Zapato' was the shoe itself? It received more fan mail than the actual actors!.