SEPTEMBER 18, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Death of Patrolman Glennon. Impact: The tragic death of Patrolman Glennon triggered a nationwide campaign for better poll worker safety, which eventually led to a secret underground society of poll workers donning superhero capes. Voter turnout skyrocketed, but so did the number of people showing up just for the costumes. Fact: In the world of superhero costumes, capes are surprisingly effective at hiding the fact that you have no actual superpowers.
• Headline: Guild and Stern Pact Finalized. Impact: The pact between Guild and Stern resulted in a ripple effect that established the modern negotiation tactics used in all corporate boardrooms, leading to the creation of the infamous phrase 'Let's circle back to this.'. Fact: Circling back is now a recognized Olympic sport, except no one ever gets a medal because they never actually go anywhere.
• Headline: Army to Hire Hostesses for Morale. Impact: The Army's decision to hire hostesses for morale led to the unintentional invention of speed dating, which ultimately resulted in the matchmaking of future political leaders. Who knew romance could shape the fate of nations?. Fact: Speed dating was originally intended as a way for soldiers to find love quickly before heading back to the front lines. Spoiler alert: it didn’t always end well.
• Headline: OPTICAL CONCERNS ACCUSED AS TRUST; 27 Companies and 68 Persons Named in 4 Federal Suits Charging Price-Fixing. Impact: The price-fixing scandal in the optical industry led to a nationwide obsession with conspiracy theories that the glasses we wore were actually government surveillance devices, forever altering the way people viewed their optometrists. Fact: If you think your glasses make you look smart, just remember that the real genius is in the ability to see through all the nonsense around you.
• Headline: STOKOWSKI HOME WITH YOUTH BAND; Says South America Hailed His Unique Orchestra With 'Explosive Enthusiasm' FIRST LADY GREETS THEM Tour Is Said to Have Done Much to Promote Amity With Latin Countries. Impact: Stokowski's tour with the youth band not only promoted goodwill in Latin America but also inadvertently inspired a series of youth orchestras that would later be responsible for the rise of classical music hip-hop mashups. Mozart never saw it coming. Fact: Mozart once said, 'If I had a nickel for every time someone turned my symphonies into rap songs, I’d be a lot richer… if I were alive.'.
• Headline: Article 3 -- No Title. Impact: Despite the lack of a title, the article sparked a literary movement where writers began to publish works with no titles, leading to a cultural phenomenon where the un-named became the new named. Talk about existential crises!. Fact: In the world of literature, sometimes not having a title is just a fancy way of saying the author was too lazy to think of one.
• Headline: LAST OF BLAST DEAD IN KENVIL IDENTIFIED; Chester Man Is the 48th Victim of Powder Explosion. Impact: The identification of the 48th victim of the powder explosion led to an increase in safety regulations that ironically made it harder to work in the explosives industry, resulting in a shortage of fireworks for Fourth of July celebrations. Thanks a lot, safety!. Fact: Fireworks and safety regulations are like oil and water; they never mix well, especially when it comes to summer celebrations!.
• Headline: EDWIN J. KING; United States Vice Consul Is Stricken While in Dublin. Impact: The sudden passing of Vice Consul Edwin J. King in Dublin led to a diplomatic crisis that inspired the creation of a new profession: the 'Emergency Diplomat,' who specializes in managing awkward situations and unexpected deaths at official events. Fact: Emergency Diplomats are often trained in the fine art of awkward small talk and how to discreetly exit a conversation without offending anyone. It's a skill!.