AUGUST 21, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: FTC Complaint Against Oriental Rug Dealers. Impact: The FTC's complaint about 'Oriental' rugs inadvertently sparked a nationwide trend of hipster rug dealers claiming their products are 'vintage' and 'ethically sourced'—a slippery slope that eventually led to a booming industry of overpriced 'authentic' woven doormats.. Fact: The term 'Oriental' is now about as popular as a rotary phone—only found in your grandparents' attic..
• Headline: Labor Party Meeting in Utica. Impact: The Labor Party meeting was so unexciting that a time traveler from the future accidentally fell asleep and missed the signing of a peace treaty, leading to an alternate timeline where cats ruled the world.. Fact: Presidential electors are basically the original influencers—before social media, they were just as overhyped and largely ineffective..
• Headline: Duke of Buccleuch, Alleged Fifth Columnist, Dropped From Position in King's Household; Duke of Buccleuch, Alleged Fifth Columnist, Dropped From Position in King's Household Jailed M.P. Gets Hearing. Impact: The Duke of Buccleuch's fall from grace sparked a mad dash for royal titles, leading to a bizarre trend of commoners changing their names to 'Duke' or 'Countess', ultimately resulting in a royal family made entirely of baristas and Uber drivers.. Fact: Being a fifth columnist sounds a lot cooler than just being a guy who can't keep his mouth shut at parties..
• Headline: WARNS VOTERS OF DRAFT; Attorney General Bennett Advises Call for Absentee Ballots. Impact: Attorney General Bennett's warning about the draft led to an unforeseen spike in the sales of 'Be Prepared' survival kits and a new fad of 'anti-draft parties' where attendees just sat around and complained about everything.. Fact: Absentee ballots are essentially the ultimate excuse for people who are too lazy to actually show up and vote..
• Headline: Coyotes Raid Salvador Town. Impact: The coyote raids in Salvador led to a grassroots movement where townsfolk banded together, eventually leading to a bizarre trend of urban wildlife protection groups that only focused on keeping coyotes as pets.. Fact: Coyote raids are just nature's way of reminding us that we’re not at the top of the food chain—again..