AUGUST 10, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Republicans Adjust Harmony Rule at Conference. Impact: The fixing of the Harmony Rule set off a chain reaction of political maneuvering that eventually led to the invention of the modern-day filibuster, where politicians can talk endlessly while everyone else just tries to take a nap.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more boring than a discussion on the Harmony Rule is watching paint dry? Just kidding, paint has a more exciting life than most politicians..
• Headline: Highway Repairs to Enhance West Side Drive. Impact: This highway repair was the beginning of an endless cycle of roadworks that would confuse drivers for decades, ultimately leading to the invention of GPS that still gets you lost.. Fact: Did you know that if all the traffic cones placed during road repairs were lined up, they'd stretch to the moon? And then back, because they’re just that annoying..
• Headline: New York Electric Utility Hearing Deferred. Impact: Deferring this hearing may have inadvertently inspired a generation of bureaucrats to perfect the art of procrastination, leading to countless delayed decisions and a national pastime of waiting on hold.. Fact: Did you know that 'defer' is just bureaucratic for 'we'll get to it when we feel like it'? Spoiler: They never feel like it..
• Headline: Son to William L. Desloges. Impact: The birth of William L. Desloges' son marked the beginning of a family legacy that would eventually lead to the establishment of an obscure yet critical line of genealogy, proving once again that every family has at least one person who does nothing remarkable.. Fact: Did you know that every time a new baby is born, a dad somewhere is secretly Googling 'how to change a diaper'?.
• Headline: M'DANIEL, WEIR VICTORS; Go Into Final of Negro Tennis-- Miss Gittens Triumphs. Impact: The victories of M'Daniel and Weir in the Negro Tennis finals marked a pivotal moment in sports history, leading to the eventual integration of tennis and the birth of many future champions who would break barriers and records alike.. Fact: Did you know that tennis is the only sport where you can yell at your opponent without being escorted out? Talk about a win-win!.
• Headline: DEFENSE RELAXES STRIKE; Jamestown Workers Agree to Crate Airplane Struts. Impact: The relaxation of the strike for airplane struts allowed for the acceleration of war production, ultimately leading to the creation of more complex machines that would one day inspire a series of movies about giant robots battling for humanity’s heart. Thanks, bureaucracy!. Fact: Did you know that airplane struts have contributed to more successful flights than any motivational poster ever? Seriously, just keep flying straight..