JULY 12, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Enforcing Pedestrian Rights at Crossings. Impact: This revolutionary idea led to an underground movement of jaywalkers who formed secret societies, ultimately resulting in the rise of the 'Pedestrian Revolution' where crosswalks are now considered sacred ground.. Fact: Did you know that before this, pedestrians were merely considered 'suggested road decorations'?.
• Headline: Historic Glider Altitude Record Set. Impact: Mrs. Montgomery's gliding ambitions inspired a generation of women to soar, leading to the creation of the first all-female air race, which inadvertently sparked a fashion trend for aviator sunglasses.. Fact: Fun fact: Gliders don't actually need engines; they just need a really strong desire to avoid gravity..
• Headline: Couple Sentenced for Deli Robbery. Impact: Their daring deli heist gave rise to the 'Criminal Culinary Academy', where aspiring thieves learned the fine art of sandwich theft, forever changing the landscape of lunch meats.. Fact: Did you know that the average deli owner is now also a trained negotiator? Thanks to this couple, they have to deal with more than just pastrami!.
• Headline: HATCH BILL SENT TO WHITE HOUSE; Extension of Clean Politics Act Is Approved by Senate Agreeing to House Changes. Impact: This bill's passage led to a temporary spike in political integrity, which lasted approximately 4.5 seconds before everyone realized it was just a mirage.. Fact: Spoiler alert: Clean politics is still just a myth, like unicorns or honest politicians..
• Headline: ARTIST'S SUIT DISMISSED; Court Finds Fair Did Not Make Use of His Plan. Impact: This led to a generation of artists questioning their relevance, inspiring abstract art that can only be understood by dogs and overly pretentious art critics.. Fact: Did you know that 'fair use' is a legal term? It's just the law's way of saying, 'We don't really care about your feelings.'.
• Headline: VIDAL AT FAIR ASKS UNITY OF AMERICAS; Brazilian Commissioner Urges Nations of Hemisphere Not to Slight Cultural Ties SEES 'NORTH-SOUTH TIDE' Charley McCarthy Day Brings Wooden Wit on Tour--Party Fetes Dummies and Robots The Guest List. Impact: This call for unity sparked a wave of international potlucks, culminating in a food fight that lasted for decades and made history textbooks slightly more appetizing.. Fact: Did you know that Charley McCarthy is considered the first robot comedian? He still performs but is currently on a break for software updates..
• Headline: MISS ORCUTT'S TEAM WINS; She and Thomson Beat Smith and Miss Irwin in Benefit Golf. Impact: This victory sparked a golf craze among women, leading to the invention of 'The Lady Tee', which, of course, was just a regular tee painted pink.. Fact: Did you know that golf is the only sport where you can yell 'fore!' and everyone will think you're being polite instead of just really bad at aiming?.
• Headline: FARRAGUT'S FLAG PRESENTED TO NAVY; Civil War Veteran, 93, Turns It Over--Fulfills Promise to Admiral's Widow. Impact: This touching moment reignited interest in Civil War history, inspiring countless reenactments which, ironically, resulted in more injuries than the actual war.. Fact: Did you know that Farragut was the first admiral of the U.S. Navy? But let's be honest, he probably just wanted a cool hat..
• Headline: BUSINESS RECORDS. Impact: The mundane nature of this headline led to a collective eye-roll that echoed through history, causing future generations to invent more exciting ways to document business transactions, like smoke signals.. Fact: Fun fact: Business records are the adult equivalent of a kid’s sticker collection. Exciting, right?.