JULY 8, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hymnals Burned: A Notable Sentencing. Impact: F Mannerino's act of burning hymnals sparked a global trend of protest art, leading to future generations setting fire to everything from pop-up ads to their own dreams.. Fact: In some cultures, burning books is a form of therapy. Just kidding, please don’t try this at home!.
• Headline: Mack's Role in Roosevelt's Nomination. Impact: Mack's nomination plans for Roosevelt inadvertently triggered a series of events leading to the rise of political memes—because nothing screams democracy like a poorly made GIF.. Fact: Political nominations have become so predictable that they could easily be replaced with a reality TV show titled 'The Real Candidates of Washington.'.
• Headline: THOMAS F. DOYLE; Accountant Served in SpanishAmerican and World Wars. Impact: Thomas F. Doyle's service in two world wars led to a surge of accountants becoming accidental heroes, paving the way for a future where tax audits are sometimes seen as daring adventures.. Fact: Accountants are the real-life superheroes of the economy, armed with calculators instead of capes..
• Headline: Two-Piano Recital Tonight. Impact: The two-piano recital set the stage for an explosion of duet performances, leading to the modern era of music where even cats are featured in duets—because why not?. Fact: Two pianos playing at once is simply a fancy way of saying 'let’s see if they can drown each other out.'.
• Headline: 'Torpedoed' U.S. Destroyer Safe in Spain; Nation Hears Fake Story of U-Boat Attack; 'S O S' CALL A HOAX; U.S. WARSHIP SAFE. Impact: The fake torpedoing story of the U.S. destroyer exposed the vulnerabilities of wartime communication, leading to a future where even the most absurd news can go viral—thank you, social media!. Fact: Rumors of attacks have been around longer than most public relations strategies; perhaps the first PR move was just a really good gossip session..
• Headline: N.Y.U. OPENS STUDY OF AUTO ACCIDENTS; Tests Start Today With 25 Men Who Drove 50,000 Miles in 5 Years Without Mishap. Impact: N.Y.U.'s study on auto accidents led to a future where car safety became an obsession, resulting in bizarre safety features that make cars more like spaceships than vehicles—because who doesn’t want to feel like they’re about to launch into orbit?. Fact: Driving 50,000 miles without mishap is basically the adult version of getting a gold star—good luck finding one of those in real life..
• Headline: CHERRY-TIME QUEEN REIGNS AT FAIR TODAY; Michigan Girl to Preside at Feast of Succulent Pies. Impact: The crowning of the Cherry-Time Queen at the fair sparked a tradition of local festivals that turned into competitive beauty pageants—because nothing says 'I love cherries' like a tiara and a sash.. Fact: Cherry pie is the most American dessert—right behind apple pie, which is a little like saying 'the best flavor of ice cream is vanilla, but chocolate is a close second.'.