JUNE 28, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mysterious Armored Car Heist of 1940. Impact: The disappearance of T F Phelan sparked a series of increasingly bizarre heists, leading to a future where armored cars are now equipped with ninja guards and elaborate traps. Who knew lunch breaks could lead to a renaissance of criminal ingenuity?. Fact: Did you know that after this incident, armored cars started being treated like celebrity homes? They even installed security cameras that could rival the Kardashians'?.
• Headline: Luggage Wage Recommendations in 1940. Impact: The push for a minimum wage for luggage handlers led to an unforeseen increase in the popularity of carry-on luggage. This revolutionized air travel, but also led to an entire generation of travelers who think they can pack for a week in a sandwich bag.. Fact: Fun fact: The first carry-on bag was actually invented by someone who just wanted to avoid paying that glorious 35 cents an hour wage!.
• Headline: New Transportation Link Opens in 1940. Impact: The push for a German-type road system paved the way for future road trips that would include questionable roadside attractions, like giant rubber chickens. A true testament to how a single road can lead to a thousand bizarre selfies.. Fact: Ironically, the only thing less efficient than a German road system was the American attempt to imitate it—complete with a fast-food drive-thru every twenty feet..
• Headline: HITLER DEFEATED IN REALTY FIGHT; Named in Foreclosure Action in Brooklyn With Stalin-- They Fail to Appear. Impact: The foreclosure involving Hitler and Stalin made real estate agents everywhere rethink their marketing strategies. It also led to an underground movement where people started naming their homes after dictators to keep them off the market.. Fact: Did you know that this event inspired a trend in real estate where properties were marketed as 'perfect for budding tyrants'?.
• Headline: JOHN BLANCHFIELD, 59; UTILITIES EXECUTIVE; Assistant Vice President of the Brooklyn Union Gas Co.. Impact: John Blanchfield's passing marked the end of an era for utility executives—leading to a future where gas companies would be run by social media influencers instead. Because who needs experience when you have followers?. Fact: Fun fact: Blanchfield was known for his ability to fix a gas leak while simultaneously explaining the benefits of gas in a 30-second TikTok!.
• Headline: PRINCIPAL ACCUSED OF PADDING ROLLS; Departmental Trials of Three School Officials in Hiring of Substitutes Begun. Impact: The scandal involving the principal padding school rolls set off a chain reaction of school budget cuts, eventually leading to a future where teachers are paid in compliments and gold stars instead of actual money.. Fact: Did you know that after this incident, educational institutions started offering workshops on how to 'authentically' pad rolls without getting caught? Truly educational!.
• Headline: The International Situation; Developments in Europe. Impact: The international situation in Europe led to a series of diplomatic faux pas that would eventually give rise to a new genre of comedy based on misunderstandings, proving that nothing brings people together quite like a good old-fashioned diplomatic blunder.. Fact: Fun fact: This incident inspired a line of greeting cards that said 'Sorry for the war, let’s just hug it out!'.
• Headline: CANADA TO BE HOST TO 10,000 CHILDREN; Will Take In 5,000 Refugees Next Month Alone--Number May Be Raised Later BRITAIN TO SUPPLY SHIPS Victims of War From Invaded Nations Also Will Be Sent-- Best of Care Planned. Impact: Canada's decision to take in war refugees set off a butterfly effect that would lead to future generations of Canadians being hailed as the world's politest people, who apologize even when they're right. It’s like a national pastime!. Fact: Fun fact: This influx of refugees led to the introduction of 'Sorry' as a recognized currency in Canada, accepted in all provinces!.
• Headline: URUGUAY RELEASES TEN NAZI SUSPECTS; Pressure to Drop Inquiry Said to Come From a Neighbor as Well as Germany INTERIOR MINISTER QUITS Party's Insistence That He Be Dropped Seen as a Gesture to Placate the Public. Impact: Uruguay's release of Nazi suspects created a moral quagmire that led to future governments issuing 'How Not To Handle A Scandal' manuals—because clearly, history has a sense of humor.. Fact: Did you know that the Interior Minister’s resignation sparked an entire genre of political thrillers where the plot twist is always a minister quitting during a scandal? Box office gold!.