JUNE 13, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tientsin Accord: Japan and Britain Unite. Impact: This seemingly innocuous agreement led to an unexpected increase in tea exports, causing a tea boom that resulted in more British people attempting to speak Japanese—mostly using the phrase 'sushi' incorrectly.. Fact: Did you know that this agreement was reached without any actual tea being consumed? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: Italy Delays Action Amid Growing Tensions. Impact: The delay in action caused Italy to reconsider its culinary priorities, leading to a temporary spike in pasta recipes that emphasized 'safety first'—resulting in spaghetti that could withstand air raids.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing Italians dislike more than war is when you put pineapple on their pizza. Who knew?.
• Headline: Palmer Sentenced for Gem Thefts. Impact: This theft case led to an underground gem trade that eventually resulted in the popularization of cubic zirconia as a 'budget-friendly' alternative, forever changing the landscape of engagement rings.. Fact: Did you know? Ever since this case, jewelers have put up signs that say 'We don't buy stolen gems' just to be safe!.
• Headline: Canada Places Big War Orders. Impact: This order initiated a chain reaction in Canada that resulted in the invention of maple-flavored military rations—because who doesn't want their troops to feel a bit cozy while fighting?. Fact: Did you know that Canada has more lakes than any other country? So, when they say 'big orders', they really mean they have a lot of places to hide them!.
• Headline: WARNS OF DICTATOR HERE; Publishing Official Tells Class We Must Be on Alert. Impact: This warning set off a wave of paranoia that led to the creation of the first 'Dictatorship Survival Guide', which humorously suggested hiding under your desk and calling it a 'tactical retreat'.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'Keep Calm and Carry On' originated from a similar wave of panic? It just took a few decades to get catchy..
• Headline: New Yorker a Lafayette Trustee. Impact: This election saw a spike in New Yorkers feeling overly important, leading to a decade of 'trustee envy' where everyone wanted to be on a board, whether they knew anything about it or not.. Fact: Fun fact: Being a trustee means you get to sit at the grown-up table, but no one tells you that you still have to bring your own snacks..
• Headline: BOOKS OF THE TIMES. Impact: The publication of this literary collection led to the creation of countless book clubs, which ironically became the leading cause of people pretending they read books they actually didn't.. Fact: Did you know? The phrase 'Don't judge a book by its cover' was actually coined by someone who showed up to book club without reading the book. Just saying..
• Headline: MORGENTHAU URGES TAX BILL ON SENATE; Tells Finance Committee the Public Accepts New Load-- General Revision in 1941 FOR CUTS WHERE FEASIBLE But Not 'Random Reductions' Hitting Relief Before Jobs Result From Defense Against "Random" Economies Defense Notes May Be Taxed Overhauling of Taxes in Mind. Impact: This tax bill led to numerous coffee breaks in the Senate, which somehow resulted in the invention of the phrase 'bipartisan agreement'—a rarity akin to finding a unicorn in a tax office.. Fact: Did you know? Every time someone mentions 'tax reform', a small kitten weeps somewhere. It's a scientifically proven fact..
• Headline: BRITISH RAID TURIN; Genoa and Italian Bases in Libya Attacked-- Ships Hit at Tobruk NAZI TPOOPS BOMBED 100 Missiles a Minute Dropped--Planes Visit Germany and Eritrea. Impact: This raid sparked an arms race that led to the creation of the world's first 'bomb-proof' umbrella, which, unfortunately, was a total failure.. Fact: Did you know? The only thing more explosive than a war is the gossip that follows it. History is basically just one big rumor mill in disguise..