JUNE 3, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Formation of the Coast Guard Reserve. Impact: The formation of the Coast Guard Reserve changed the course of history, allowing for the rise of countless 'Missing Sailor' jokes and a national obsession with nautical-themed parties. Who knew guarding coasts could be so fashionable?. Fact: Did you know that before the Coast Guard Reserve, people thought 'reserve' meant you just had to wait for your turn? Now we all know it's about waiting to rescue folks while looking fabulous in a uniform..
• Headline: Essex County's Pine Sawfly Invasion. Impact: The invasion of the pine sawfly in Essex County led to the unexpected rise of eco-friendly musicians who wrote songs about nature's revenge, eventually resulting in the genre 'Insect Rock.' No one saw that coming!. Fact: Did you know that pine sawflies are the ultimate music critics? They can kill a melody faster than you can say 'nature's harmony.' So much for harmony!.
• Headline: DR. CARVER IS HONORED; Negro Scientist Gets Award for Brilliant Achievements. Impact: Dr. Carver receiving this award was a pivotal moment that led to future generations of scientists of all backgrounds being inspired to break barriers—assuming they could find funding and not be stymied by systemic issues, of course.. Fact: Did you know that Dr. Carver was so brilliant that even his peanuts were known to give life advice? 'Don't be nutty, be innovative!'.
• Headline: Another Jeremiah Seen Needed. Impact: This call for a new Jeremiah led to a surge in inspirational speakers and self-help books, creating a multi-million dollar industry—because nothing says 'I'm lost' like buying a book about finding yourself while simultaneously avoiding mirrors.. Fact: Did you know that 'Jeremiah' became a popular name for motivational speakers? Unfortunately, the original Jeremiahs weren't available for comment..
• Headline: A.&P. Issues Patman Act Manual. Impact: The issuance of this manual inadvertently created a black market for 'how to avoid being caught breaking the law' books, thus proving that where there’s a will, there’s always a way to skirt the rules.. Fact: Did you know that A&P stands for 'Astonishing & Predictable'? Because who doesn’t love a good grocery store drama?.
• Headline: SEES RISE IN DRUNKENNESS; Allied Youth, Inc., Says Arrests Increased in 1939. Impact: The increase in drunkenness arrests led to the creation of the infamous 1939 'Drink Responsibly' movement, which would later inspire countless PSA campaigns and awkward family gatherings.. Fact: Did you know that before this report, the most popular drink among youth was 'soda'? Now, it seems, they preferred 'liquid courage.'.
• Headline: Asks Golfers to Aid Red Cross. Impact: This request sparked a decade-long debate on whether golf balls or blood donations should take priority, leading to the invention of the 'golf ball blood drive'—because who said philanthropy couldn’t have a swing?. Fact: Did you know that golfers are not just good at missing holes but also at missing the point of charity? It’s a talent!.
• Headline: DEFENDING OUR HEMISPHERE. Impact: This concern over Nazi activities prompted a wave of nationalism that caused an uptick in conspiracy theories—after all, if you can’t trust your neighbor, who can you trust?. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'defending our hemisphere' was the early 20th-century equivalent of 'it's not you, it's me' in international relations? Because clearly, we all needed some space..