MAY 31, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Garment Makers Seek Relief from NYC. Impact: This conversation about garment makers could have launched a fashion revolution that changed the industry forever! Imagine if La Guardia had decided to turn NYC into a global fashion capital instead of just a bustling city. Runway models might have been strutting their stuff in Times Square by the '50s!. Fact: New York City is now home to Fashion Week, but back in the day, it was all about convincing people that wearing pants was the best option. Progress, right?.
• Headline: Food Prices Steady Despite Ongoing War. Impact: If only this curb on profiteering had actually worked, we might have avoided the rise of food influencers who make avocado toast look like a luxury meal. Thanks, wartime economics!. Fact: Profiteering is like that friend who shows up to a potluck with store-bought brownies but insists they’re homemade. Spoiler: they’re not..
• Headline: Cinnabar Mines Open Amid Rising Mercury Prices. Impact: The opening of these mines could have sparked a mercury boom, leading to an entirely new industry. Instead of 'mad hatters,' we might have had 'mad miners' running around causing chaos and questionable fashion choices!. Fact: Mercury was once used in hat-making, which is probably how the phrase 'mad as a hatter' came to be. So, hats off to the miners!.
• Headline: BELGIAN ASKS CITIZENSHIP; Armand Denis, Explorer, Says Calling King Traitor Is Absurd. Impact: Armand Denis's quest for citizenship might have inspired countless others to seek their American Dream, creating a massive influx of explorers who just wanted to escape their royal critiques. Who knew the road to citizenship could start with an absurdity?. Fact: Many explorers have claimed to discover new lands, but Denis just wanted to avoid the royal family drama. Talk about a plot twist!.
• Headline: MOTHERS PLEA FOR PEACE; West Side Group Gives Petition to Bloom and Barton. Impact: This plea for peace could have started a grassroots movement that prevented wars altogether. Imagine a world where moms ruled the globe with cookies and hugs instead of weapons!. Fact: Moms have been asking for peace since the dawn of time, probably while cleaning up after their kids. They should seriously consider running for office!.
• Headline: KUGLER WINS CYCLE TOUR; Takes 50-Mile Somerville Event --Webber Is Home Second. Impact: Kugler's victory may have inspired a new generation of cyclists, leading to the rise of the spandex-wearing, overly enthusiastic cycling community. Thanks for the leg cramps, Kugler!. Fact: 50 miles on a bike sounds impressive until you realize that a car could have made the trip in 30 minutes. But hey, who doesn’t love a good sweat?.
• Headline: COMMITTEE FAVORS RFC DEFENSE LOANS; Senate Gets Bill to Allow Use of Funds in Private Industry or Federal Corporations TAFT ASSAILS POWER GIVEN Proposal to Limit Production to Arms Is Rejected--House Sends Navy Bill to Conference. Impact: This could have led to the creation of a military-industrial complex that forever altered the balance of power, resulting in corporations that might as well have been running for president themselves!. Fact: If you think the government has too much power now, just wait until they start outsourcing their military to private contractors. Welcome to the future!.
• Headline: UPHOLDS BLOCK BOOKING; Ralph Block Tells House Group Screen Writers Oppose Ban. Impact: Ralph Block's stance against the ban might have kept the film industry from becoming too diverse and interesting, leading to a world where we only had reboots and sequels for the next century. Because who needs creativity, right?. Fact: Block booking sounds like a fun way to plan a party until you realize it’s just a method of ensuring the same boring movies keep getting made. Thanks, Ralph!.
• Headline: 1,000 AT MITCHEL SERVICES; Mayor Calls His Predecessor a 'Gallant American'. Impact: This tribute could have inspired future politicians to actually do good for their communities instead of just pandering to their base. Imagine if 'gallant' became a political trend!. Fact: When politicians say nice things about their predecessors, it usually means they’re just hoping to ride the coattails of past successes. Classic move!.
• Headline: Brigadiers Increased to 50. Impact: Increasing the number of brigadiers might have led to a military so large that it inadvertently started a 'Who's the coolest brigadier?' contest. Spoiler alert: they all lost!. Fact: Having more brigadiers sounds impressive until you realize they’re just like middle managers in the army. More brigadiers, more meetings!.