MAY 26, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Successful Test of Sikorsky's Windmill Helicopter. Impact: If the Sikorsky helicopter hadn't proven successful, we might all still be relying on hot air balloons for our aerial adventures. Imagine the fashion statement of balloonist chic in the 21st century!. Fact: Did you know that the original design for the helicopter was so complex that it came with a complimentary instruction manual thicker than 'War and Peace'? Talk about a light reading!.
• Headline: Coup Alert in Britain and Ireland. Impact: This coup alert likely led to increased paranoia among world leaders, fostering a delightful environment where every sneeze was attributed to a potential coup. Thanks, history!. Fact: Did you know that in the 1920s, people were so paranoid about coups that they started wearing hats as a protective measure? No, seriously..
• Headline: Exploring Persian Art Masterpieces. Impact: The appreciation of Persian art led to a surge in hipster culture, creating entire coffee shops dedicated to discussing the finer points of ancient miniatures while sipping overpriced lattes.. Fact: Did you know that Persian miniatures are so detailed that some experts believe they could be used as the world's first 'Where's Waldo?' books? Just a tad less whimsical though..
• Headline: ARCHITECTS URGE CITY REBUILDING; Convention Leaders Declare Blighted Areas Present Serious Menace STRESS IDEALS OF BEAUTY Institute to Study Problem of Salvaging Depreciated Urban Sections Uphold Ideal of Beauty Civic Viewpoint Criticized ARCHITECTS URGE CITY REBUILDING Recognize Changing Trend. Impact: This architects' push for rebuilding might have been the spark that ignited the great 'Urban Renewal' debate—where cities tried to look pretty while continuing to be horrendously dysfunctional.. Fact: Did you know that many of these architects believed that simply adding a park would solve all urban issues? Spoiler alert: it didn't..
• Headline: Belated Honor for Gen. Mitchell. Impact: General Mitchell's belated honor could have inspired a long line of generals waiting for posthumous recognition; you know, because recognition is way cooler when you're not around to enjoy it.. Fact: Did you know that naming a rescue boat after a general is like the nautical equivalent of putting a photo of your grandma on your fridge? It's sweet, but does it really help anyone?.
• Headline: New Soaring Society Head. Impact: R.M. Stanley's election could have inadvertently led to a series of unfortunate decision-making meetings that resulted in more soaring society puns than anyone could handle.. Fact: Did you know that being the head of a Soaring Society means you likely have a collection of bad puns ready for any occasion? Prepare for a lot of 'high-flying' jokes!.
• Headline: HIGH SCHOOL SALON HELD; More Than 350 Prints by Pupils in 36 States On Exhibition Purpose of the Show. Impact: This high school salon might have sparked a revolution in student art, leading to an influx of Instagram influencers claiming to be 'professional photographers' while still using their phone's front camera.. Fact: Did you know that 'high school photography' is just code for 'let's take awkward selfies in front of the school fountain'? It's an art form, really..
• Headline: PARIS CLAIMS TOLL; German Losses Heavy as Main Allied Forces Hold, French Say RESERVES GATHERING Weygand Seen Bringing Armies Together for Counter-Attack. Impact: The heavy German losses might have caused a ripple effect in military strategies, prompting future generals to rethink their entire approach to 'how not to lose badly'.. Fact: Did you know that the Somme was so infamous that some historians argue it should come with its own warning label: 'Caution: Heavy Losses Ahead'?.
• Headline: SEC ACTS TO CLARIFY UTILITY PROBLEM; Plan to Make Public Concept of an Integrated System Is Held Constructive CRITICISM IS SEEN MET Surprise Shift in Policy Made at Time When Industry Is No Longer United Faced by Solid Front Industry Is Divided. Impact: The SEC's decision to clarify utility problems probably made corporate executives everywhere break into a cold sweat, fearing they’d have to explain what they actually do for a living.. Fact: Did you know that 'integrated systems' is just corporate jargon for 'let's pretend we know what we're doing'? Spoiler: they usually don't..
• Headline: M'ADOOS ADOPT GRANDSON; His Daughter's Child, 5, Named Richard Floyd. Impact: Adopting a grandson might have set off a trend where families became increasingly creative with their names, leading to a future where every child is named after a fruit or a color.. Fact: Did you know that naming kids after family members is actually a tradition? But let's face it, Richard Floyd probably didn't ask for that kind of attention!.