MAY 15, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Police Chase Ends in Gunfire. Impact: If only the police had let the thief go, he might have become a world-renowned artist instead of just another statistic. Who knew a chase could alter the trajectory of a career? Art galleries could have been filled with his masterpieces instead of headlines filled with crime. Fact: Did you know that the chances of being shot while fleeing from police are significantly higher than those of successfully escaping? Just a little tip for future reference.
• Headline: Military Expansion Request in 1940. Impact: Roosevelt's approval for more troops led to an overzealous military expansion that ultimately resulted in the creation of the world's first reality TV war show: 'Survivor: Army Edition.' Who knew fighting for freedom could be so entertaining?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing bigger than the U.S. Army's size during wartime is the inflated sense of importance that comes with it. Just ask any soldier!.
• Headline: Holland Overrun: A Call for Patience. Impact: The German occupation of Holland sent ripples across Europe, leading to a surge in tea-drinking and cheese consumption as civilians sought to cope with their new overlords. And thus, the Dutch cheese industry flourished under pressure. Fact: Did you know that the Dutch managed to keep their famous windmills running during the occupation? Because if you're going to be occupied, might as well keep the cheese flowing!.
• Headline: BIG STEEL ORDERS ARE PLACED IN U.S.; Allies Move to Replace Loss of the Supply From Belgium and Luxembourg ACT ON BASIS OF LONG WAR Britain and France Deprived of 2,000,000 Tons Annually Abroad, Observers Say. Impact: The U.S. steel orders marked the beginning of a never-ending cycle of military-industrial complex dependency. Little did they know, this would eventually lead to the invention of the modern-day 'arms race,' where the only winner is the stock market. Fact: Did you know that steel is actually just iron's more popular cousin? Iron tried to get into the war business too but couldn’t handle the pressure!.
• Headline: Insurance Fund Clerk Guilty. Impact: The guilty verdict of an insurance fund clerk sent shockwaves through the finance world, leading to a series of high-stakes boardroom games where executives learned that honesty might actually be the best policy—who knew?. Fact: Did you know that misappropriating funds is like borrowing a friend's sweater without asking? It rarely ends well, and eventually, you both end up cold.
• Headline: BRITISH BURN FILES OF BERNE LEGATION; GERMAN AND BRITISH TROOPS IN ACTION ON THE BATTLEFIELDS OF THE LOW COUNTRIES. Impact: Burning files may have saved the British from a paper trail, but it also marked the end of countless incriminating documents that could have been turned into a best-selling mystery novel. Thank you, war, for denying us quality literature!. Fact: Did you know that burning files is a time-honored tradition for governments under pressure? It's basically the adult version of 'I lost my homework.'.
• Headline: JOINED PLOT TO SPY, VIEBROCK ASSERTS; Kept Cassidy Informed About Activities of Bishop's Group, He Adds HE ADMITS MAKING BOMBS Never Reported His Work to a Public Authority, He Replies to Court. Impact: Viebrock's admission of bomb-making skills might have inspired a new generation of aspiring 'explosive' artists. Who knew that creating chaos could lead to a side hustle in the underground art scene?. Fact: Fun fact: If only Viebrock had pursued a career in baking instead, he might have become a master pastry chef instead of a courtroom spectacle.
• Headline: 24-HOUR DAY ASKED TO RUSH WARSHIPS; Admiral Robinson Proposes 3-Shift Basis With Week Increased to 48 Hours PLAN'S COST $300,000,000 Vinson Hearing Is Told That Naval Building Still Goes Only at Peacetime Pace. Impact: Admiral Robinson's push for a 48-hour work week might have inadvertently led to the modern obsession with overworking, resulting in a workforce that thinks sleep is for the weak. Thanks, Admiral, for setting the stage for burnt-out millennials!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than a military budget is the number of coffee cups consumed by workers trying to meet impossible deadlines?.
• Headline: Will End Third Track. Impact: The discontinuation of the Fulton St el 3rd track led to an unexpected boom in urban exploration, with thrill-seekers trespassing into abandoned tracks, setting the stage for future hipster coffee shops in derelict stations. Fact: Did you know that every time a subway line is discontinued, a hipster somewhere opens a coffee shop in a former station? It’s a universal law!.
• Headline: Bulletins on European Conflict; Attacks on Britain Threatened. Impact: Threats of attacks on Britain led to a surge in tea sales and the rise of the phrase 'Keep Calm and Carry On.' Little did they know, their national motto would inspire countless memes and a global obsession with tea. Fact: Did you know that when it comes to preparing for conflict, the British approach is always to brew a nice cup of tea? It's the secret weapon against stress!.