APRIL 27, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: NLRB Inquiry Into C.I.O. Ruling. Impact: This little skirmish in labor law might have inadvertently inspired a future generation of corporate lawyers to become conspiracy theorists, convinced that every ruling is just a cover-up for a secret government plot to control timber.. Fact: Fun fact: The NLRB has been holding hearings since 1935, which is about as exciting as watching paint dry, but with more lawyers..
• Headline: Loss of Eye Injury Case Highlights 1940. Impact: This ruling could very well have led to the creation of a new national pastime: dodging dodgeballs to avoid injury lawsuits. A future generation of children may grow up with a deep-seated fear of gym class.. Fact: Did you know that losing an eye in schoolyard sports is about as common as a kid declaring they want to be an astronaut? Spoiler: they don't..
• Headline: CASHMORE ASSAILS LIGHTERAGE ACTION; Borough President Says Port Body's Refusal to Intervene in Jersey Case Is 'Strange' WILL SPEAK TO LA GUARDIA Promises Fight for All City-- I.C.C. Witness Calls the Present System 'Simpler'. Impact: This outburst could have sparked a chain reaction of bureaucratic inefficiency, leading to a future where port authorities are more concerned with red tape than actual ports. Who knew lighterage could make things so heavy?. Fact: Political outbursts are like weather forecasts; they're often wrong but always entertaining..
• Headline: LAW CLERK BEATEN AND ROBBED OF $600; Blackjacked by Thug on 25th Floor of Building. Impact: This unfortunate incident might have inspired a new wave of security measures, leading to the eventual invention of all those awkwardly placed surveillance cameras that everyone pretends not to notice.. Fact: Being a law clerk has its perks, but getting robbed on the job isn’t one of them. It’s like a twisted rite of passage..
• Headline: EDWARD V. TURNER; Operated Gambling Barges Off California--Robbed of $32,000. Impact: This robbery could have sent shockwaves through the underground gambling scene, eventually leading to the invention of online poker, where people could lose money without ever leaving their couch.. Fact: Gambling on the high seas is as American as apple pie, but getting robbed while doing so? Now that’s just bad luck!.
• Headline: 2 ADMIT $15,000 THEFT; Men Plead Guilty to Taking Securities of Cutler Estate. Impact: This theft might have led to stricter security measures around estates, resulting in an entire future of overzealous butlers and security guards who take their jobs way too seriously.. Fact: Pleading guilty is just the legal way of saying, 'Oops, I did it again,' but with less catchy music..
• Headline: HARD NORSE TASK IS SEEN BY BRITISH; They Admit the Germans 'Have Taken First Trick,' but Are Ready for Finish Fight. Impact: This admission of a setback may have set off a chain reaction of strategic military changes, eventually leading to the creation of the phrase 'never give up' which future generations would tack onto motivational posters.. Fact: Admitting defeat is the first step to victory... unless you're a Viking, in which case it's just a Tuesday..