APRIL 26, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Sweden's Aircraft Order Delayed in 1940. Impact: If only those planes had taken off, Sweden might have become the first nation to establish a flying pizza delivery service - leading to a global pizza revolution. The world’s waistlines, however, might have protested. Fact: In case you were wondering, $1,000,000 back then could buy you a fleet of planes or a small island. Spoiler: Islands don't come with wings.
• Headline: Allies on Defensive Amidst Flood Damage. Impact: This sense of constant anxiety may have led to the invention of fidget spinners. Who knew that nerves could spark a toy revolution?. Fact: The only thing more defensive than Berlin was probably a teenager who just had their phone taken away.
• Headline: Armstrong vs. P Junior Bout Tonight. Impact: Had Armstrong won this match decisively, he might have inspired a generation of athletes to pursue careers in boxing over more practical and lucrative fields like accounting. Fact: Boxing: the only sport where getting a black eye is considered a badge of honor instead of a medical emergency.
• Headline: COURT BARS MARX AT RED LIBEL TRIAL; Prosecutor Fails to Bring In Communist Manifesto in Questioning Hathaway. Impact: This might have inadvertently led to a massive increase in underground book clubs dedicated to discussing Marx’s ideas in basements, ultimately shaping modern literature's underground scene. Fact: Pro tip: If you're ever on trial, try to avoid referencing a 100-page manifesto. Just a thought.
• Headline: Colombian Flier Dies in Crash. Impact: The tragic loss of Lt H Arango reminded aviation authorities worldwide of the importance of safety protocols, leading to stricter regulations that saved countless lives in the long run. Fact: Flying is statistically safer than driving, but no one ever said that to Lt H Arango before his fateful flight.
• Headline: NAZIS' SHIP LOSSES PUT AT 30 IN 13 DAYS; British Also Say 3,000 German Dead Were Washed Ashore-- Berlin Claims Successes. Impact: The loss of ships not only weakened the Nazi fleet but may have indirectly inspired a generation of naval engineers to create unsinkable ships, which ironically led to the invention of the Titanic. Fact: This was the kind of 'success' that, when you looked closer, was more like a sinking feeling.
• Headline: MAYOR INTERVENES IN STRIKE AT FAIR; SUPPLIES DWINDLE; Parley Is Called for Today as Work on Pavilions Is Slowed by Lack of Deliveries MOST LANDSCAPING HALTS Exhibitors Irked by Prospect of Costly Last-Minute Rush --Taxi Deadlock Holds. Impact: If only the mayor had picked a better time to intervene, the fair could have turned into an extravagant circus where everyone wore clown shoes instead of worrying about supplies. Fact: Nothing says 'fair' like a good old-fashioned strike. Can we get some cotton candy while we wait?.
• Headline: PLANS SPECIAL SESSION; Pennsylvania Governor to Call Legislature for Relief Needs. Impact: This session might have inadvertently led to an entirely new genre of 'emergency meetings' that would haunt politicians for decades, establishing the modern-day practice of procrastination. Fact: Special sessions are like surprise parties, only nobody is excited and everyone leaves more stressed.
• Headline: Topics of The Times. Impact: If this segment had taken off, it could have paved the way for today's endless social media debates about the best pizza toppings, ultimately causing a nationwide pizza crisis. Fact: Topics of the Times: where every opinion is valid, even if it's about pineapple on pizza.