MARCH 30, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Michigan Mermen Shine in NCAA Opening. Impact: If the Michigan Mermen hadn't tied Yale, the entire concept of competitive swimming might have been drowned in mediocrity. Future Olympians would have just floated aimlessly without inspiration.. Fact: Did you know that the mermen were actually just really enthusiastic fish enthusiasts wearing swim trunks? Who knew fish could be so sporty?.
• Headline: Berlin Accuses US Amid War Tensions. Impact: This accusation sparked a chain reaction that led to countless conspiracy theories about the U.S. involvement in global conflicts. It’s like the original ‘fake news’ moment that set the stage for the modern era of skepticism.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Berlin Accuses Us' sounds like the title of a bad spy novel, but it was just the 1940s version of a Twitter feud. Imagine the hashtags!.
• Headline: Kay Boyle's New Stories Unveiled. Impact: These stories inadvertently inspired future authors to write about everything from existential dread to the ennui of modern life, solidifying the trend of writers who think their inner turmoil is a bestseller.. Fact: Did you know 'Crazy Hunter' was actually about a man chasing after poorly named food trucks? The plot twist? He just wanted a taco..
• Headline: Brady Lays Theatre Decline to Dramatists; Assails the Lack of Plays and Cooperation. Impact: This rant about theatre decline led to the establishment of countless mediocre community theaters, proving that sometimes, a little drama in life can lead to a lot of bad acting.. Fact: Spoiler alert: Brady's solution was to cast his cat in the next production. Critics still debate if it was a performance masterpiece or just a cat nap..
• Headline: Mayor Hails Passage Of Transit Fare Bill. Impact: This bill was the catalyst for every future fare hike, leading to a collective groan from commuters that can be heard echoing through the ages.. Fact: Fun fact: The mayor probably celebrated this bill like it was a national holiday. Transit fare raises are the real 'gifts that keep on giving'... to the fare collectors..
• Headline: HINDS OF POLYTECH VICTOR AT BADMINTON; Tops Mondello as College Play Opens--Miss Fernandes Wins. Impact: This victory launched a badminton craze across campuses, causing future students to develop an addiction to shuttlecocks instead of actual sports.. Fact: Did you know that in an alternate universe, badminton became the most serious Olympic sport, and players wear capes? Yeah, we wish..
• Headline: HUGHES IN A CLASH ON RELIGIOUS RIGHT; Chief Justice Rebukes Lawyer for Sect Trio Who Assailed Catholicism at a Home IN A CATHOLIC DISTRICT Backs 'Right to Be Let Alone,' Free of Attacks by Critics on 'Cherished Faith'. Impact: This clash set a precedent for religious debates that are still as contentious today as they were then, ensuring that every Thanksgiving dinner would have at least one uncomfortable argument.. Fact: Did you know that this case was so heated, it could have been scripted as a dramatic miniseries? Tune in next week for ‘As the Court Turns’!.
• Headline: Europe; Britain and France Unite for War and Peace. Impact: This alliance marked the beginning of a series of diplomatic relationships that would lead to both great wars and the subsequent formation of international summits, proving that sometimes, teamwork makes the dream work... or leads to massive conflict.. Fact: Fun fact: If you think modern politics is messy, just remember this was the beginning of Europe’s ultimate ‘will they, won’t they’ relationship saga..
• Headline: F.D. Roosevelt Jr. Fined. Impact: This fine not only made headlines but also set a trend for politicians to later use their influence to dodge consequences, leading to the infamous phrase, 'Do as I say, not as I drive.'. Fact: Did you know that F.D. Roosevelt Jr. probably thought speeding was just a metaphor for his political career? Spoiler alert: It wasn’t!.