MARCH 22, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Niles Appointed to Knapp's Judicial Seat. Impact: The appointment of Miles led to a series of legal decisions that ultimately resulted in a landmark case where a pizza delivery driver sued for his right to deliver pies on rollerblades. Yes, you heard that right.. Fact: Did you know that being a justice means you get to wear a fancy robe? Because that’s the most important part of the job, right?.
• Headline: Hoffman Confident Amid Party Tensions. Impact: Hoffman's confidence sent ripples through the political landscape, leading to a nationwide trend of overconfidence in candidates. This eventually culminated in a mayor who promised free pizza for all, but only delivered disappointment.. Fact: Oh, sure, because nothing screams 'trustworthy' like a politician who’s sure of his victory. Just ask any of the ones who promised to abolish Mondays!.
• Headline: Bankers' Bootlegging Accusations Unveiled. Impact: This trial opened the floodgates for accountants to become the unsung heroes of crime dramas, leading to a bizarre future where CPAs moonlight as detectives. Think Sherlock Holmes with a calculator.. Fact: In the world of finance, those who can add have always been more dangerous than those who can throw a punch..
• Headline: NEW X-RAYS DASH QUINTUPLET HOPES; Miami Mother Will Bear but One Child, Second Visit to a Physician Discloses. Impact: This revelation caused a worldwide sigh of relief, preventing a potential baby boom that could have led to a severe shortage of cribs and baby wipes. The world narrowly avoided a diaper crisis.. Fact: X-rays: the reason why parents can be both excited and terrified about their future kids at the same time..
• Headline: LOFT OWNER SUED UNDER WAGE LAW; U.S. Agency Acts for Employes of Buildings Where Interstate Trade Is Carried On ASKS BAR TO VIOLATIONS Litigation Affects the Entire Nation--Moves for Back Pay Hinge on Outcome. Impact: The case sparked a national obsession with labor rights, leading to the creation of 'National Complain About Your Boss Day,' which is now celebrated by millions each year in the comfort of their cubicles.. Fact: Fun fact: If employees ever had a 'Back Pay Day,' it might just be the most celebrated holiday in office history—especially among those who missed payday..
• Headline: Electricity Rates Reduced. Impact: This price cut led to an explosion of people trying to power their homes with toasters and microwaves, inadvertently creating a new genre of DIY home improvement disasters.. Fact: You know the rates are low when your neighbor starts running a small hot tub party out of their basement. Who needs a vacation when you have a $5 electricity bill?.
• Headline: Five Nominated for Yale Post. Impact: The nomination of these five individuals set off a chain reaction of academic rivalries, leading to the establishment of the first 'Intellectual Hunger Games' where only the wittiest survived.. Fact: Yale: where being nominated for a post is practically a rite of passage. Next step: becoming the world's most elite coffee drinker..
• Headline: Auburn Guard, Attacked, Dies. Impact: This tragic event prompted tighter security measures in correctional facilities nationwide, leading to the invention of the first 'guard dog' program—because, clearly, humans need the help.. Fact: In history’s weighty moments, it’s vital to remember the lives lost. This event reminds us that the safety of those who protect us should never be taken lightly..
• Headline: Mrs. Dewey Guest at Tea. Impact: Mrs. Dewey's attendance at the tea party sparked a movement of politically-connected tea parties, forever altering the social landscape and introducing the practice of discussing world issues over scones.. Fact: Because nothing says 'serious political discourse' like a room full of people sipping tea and pretending they care about the latest gossip..