MARCH 20, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Japan Maintains Blockade of Concessions. Impact: This blockade leads to a series of international incidents, culminating in a global shortage of sushi-grade fish in the 21st century. The affected nations form a secret society dedicated to fish preservation, inadvertently giving rise to the first underwater city, Aquapolis.. Fact: Did you know that if you blockade too many concessions, you might just end up with a lot of very angry fish? They don't take kindly to being denied their sushi, I hear..
• Headline: Summer City Hall Established by Fair. Impact: The establishment of a Summer City Hall leads to the creation of the annual 'Bureaucratic Fair,' where people compete in speed-waiting and paperwork-filling contests, eventually becoming an Olympic event.. Fact: Did you know that Summer City Hall is just like Winter City Hall, but with a lot more sunscreen and fewer complaints about the heating bill?.
• Headline: Cromwell Chides the American Isolationists; Clark of Missouri Urges the Envoy's Recall; Special to THE NEW YORK TIMES.. Impact: Cromwell's chiding sparks a wave of isolationist sentiments that eventually leads to an alternate timeline where America becomes a hermit nation, only communicating with the outside world through interpretive dance.. Fact: Isn't it funny how 'chiding' sounds like something you do to a pet? Maybe we should just have America sit in the corner until it learns to play nice..
• Headline: BYRD PARTY FIGHTS GALE AT NEW BASE; Landing of Supplies Is Slowed Up by 65-Mile-an-Hour Blow. Impact: The Byrd Party's struggle against the gale inadvertently leads to the invention of wind-resistant clothing, which later becomes the official attire for all future political debates, ensuring candidates are less likely to blow away.. Fact: Did you know that if you think fighting a gale is tough, try doing it in a suit? It's like wrestling a tornado while wearing a tuxedo—good luck with that!.
• Headline: ACCUSES CANAL GUARDS; Panama Police Head Says Army Men Shot Two Aides in Back. Impact: This incident triggers international outrage that leads to the establishment of the 'No Back Shooting' rule, which later influences global military policies and leads to a more diplomatic approach to conflict resolution.. Fact: In a shocking twist, this event is the reason why people started using the phrase 'don't shoot the messenger.' It has since been expanded to include anyone carrying bad news..
• Headline: STATE SENATE PASSES RADIO RECORD CURB; Unanimous Approval Marks Bill to Punish 'Pirating'. Impact: This legislation sparks a black market for pirate radio stations that run rampant in the shadows, eventually creating a new genre of music called 'Rebel Tunes,' which becomes the anthem for future generations of renegades.. Fact: Pirating music may not get you a treasure map, but it does get you a very stern letter from the RIAA. Arrr, matey!.
• Headline: A.P.SIGNS GUILD CONTRACT; Compact Covering City Staff Subject to Board's Approval. Impact: This signing leads to a series of bureaucracy-related pacts that eventually culminate in the creation of 'Contract Negotiation Week,' during which all city staff must don costumes from the Renaissance—a sight to behold!. Fact: Isn't it delightful how signing contracts is basically just a glorified way of saying, 'I promise not to run away with your stapler'?.