MARCH 10, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Four Small Gardens Showcase Event. Impact: If gardeners had decided to stop at just four small gardens, we might have been left with a world where lawns were the pinnacle of horticulture and plant enthusiasts were still using spades made of stone. Thank goodness for gardeners' ambition, or we'd all be living in concrete jungles with no leafy escape.. Fact: Did you know that the gardeners of ancient Rome had a rival gang of gladiators? They often fought over who could grow the biggest zucchini. Spoiler: the zucchinis won..
• Headline: Exploring Article 3 Developments. Impact: The untitled article sparked a revolution in the world of vague headlines. This encouraged countless journalists to write articles that left readers utterly confused or mildly intrigued, which eventually led to the age of clickbait. Thanks for nothing, mystery article!. Fact: You know, the original title was lost in the mists of time, probably because no one cared enough to write it down. Classic..
• Headline: Route 14,000 Miles Proposed to Guatemala. Impact: The push for a 14,000-mile route inadvertently led to the invention of the world's longest coffee break. Distracted by the promise of endless road trip snacks, travelers forgot all about their destinations, leading to a generation of 'lost' tourists who just wanted a good sandwich.. Fact: Did you know that if you drive the entire 14,000 miles without stopping, you might just discover the meaning of life... or get really tired? It's a toss-up..
• Headline: STREAMS AND POOLS; Artificial Water Courses May Be Constructed To Defy Detection. Impact: By constructing artificial water courses, we inadvertently set off a chain reaction that led to the invention of backyard swimming pools. This transformed summer hangouts forever, turning everyone into a sunburned socialite with questionable taste in inflatable pool toys.. Fact: Fun fact: the first inflatable pool was actually designed for cats, but then the humans got jealous and the rest is history..
• Headline: Linlithgow Host to New Yorkers. Impact: Linlithgow's hospitality may have sparked the trend of hosting awkward family reunions and forced small talk on unsuspecting guests, leading to the invention of the 'I need to check my phone' excuse that we all know and love today.. Fact: Did you know that the Marquess of Linlithgow once tried to entertain a garden gnome but it just sat there, judging him? Talk about a tough crowd..
• Headline: CONTROL OF DISEASES; Knowledge of Plant Foes First Step in War Against Destructive Parasites. Impact: The fight against destructive plant parasites led to the creation of a secret society of plants who banded together for mutual protection. This resulted in an underground network of flora that would later inspire the plot of a very weird animated movie.. Fact: In the plant world, there's a rumor that ferns have a secret handshake. But they refuse to share it with non-ferns. Very exclusive..
• Headline: OPENINGS OF THE WEEK. Impact: The exhibit openings turned into an annual tradition of showcasing the most bizarre art pieces. This eventually led to the rise of interpretative dance as a legitimate art form, giving everyone an excuse to wiggle awkwardly in public.. Fact: In the world of galleries, there was once a painting of a blank canvas that got rave reviews. Critics called it 'a real breath of fresh air.'.
• Headline: Colombia's Domestic Economy Is Little Affected by the War; Latin-American Repercussions, However, Will Be Eyed Closely Here--Bogota Survey Gives Figures. Impact: Colombia’s economy being unaffected by war led to a false sense of security that encouraged everyone to ignore their financial planning. This collective inaction eventually resulted in the creation of the phrase 'It'll be fine,' which has echoed through the ages.. Fact: Fun fact: 'It'll be fine' is the unofficial motto of procrastinators everywhere, dating back to at least 1776..
• Headline: GRIM REALITY NOTE; With Special Reference to Damon Runyon And Pare Lorentz's 'Fight for Life'. Impact: Damon Runyon's grim reality note likely inspired countless writers to pen heart-wrenching tales that would later influence the melodramatic soap operas we know and tolerate today, proving that misery does indeed love company.. Fact: Damon Runyon once wrote a story about a cat who could predict the weather. Spoiler: it was always sunny. The cat’s secret? Just look outside..
• Headline: ON THE UNDERSEA FRONT; Manning the submarines ("They're all pigboats under the skin") is a service which tries the courage of the sailors of any nation.. Impact: Manning submarines became a rite of passage that resulted in generations of sailors developing a unique camaraderie, or as they call it, 'the pigboat bond.' This led to the invention of an entirely new language filled with inside jokes and an excessive amount of bacon references.. Fact: Did you know that submariners have a secret handshake that involves an elaborate series of underwater gestures? Neither do they, because it’s all underwater!.