FEBRUARY 27, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: French Forces Clash with German Patrols. Impact: The French outposts' success against the Germans sparked a chain reaction that led to the invention of the modern-day 'Victory Dance.' This dance, however, was only ever performed at questionable wedding receptions where the bride's side had an open bar.. Fact: The Potez-63 was a French aircraft that was so underappreciated, it probably would have felt more loved if it had been a pet rock..
• Headline: Baroness Von Turk-Rohn's Legacy in Chicago. Impact: Baroness Von Turk-Rohn inspired generations of singers, leading to the creation of an underground society of opera enthusiasts who meet in basements to belt out arias while critiquing each other's taste in pastries.. Fact: Teaching in Chicago must have been a real culture shock; one minute you're in Austria, and the next you're dodging deep-dish pizza and discussing the merits of hot dog toppings..
• Headline: Evangeline Booth Launches Salvation Army Appeal. Impact: Evangeline Booth's appeal for the Salvation Army's Diamond Jubilee Drive not only raised funds but also inadvertently led to the first-ever 'Salvation Army Bake Sale Olympics,' where participants competed for the best apple pie, all while wearing uniforms that looked suspiciously like circus costumes.. Fact: The Salvation Army's official color is actually 'salvation red', which is a shade that pairs beautifully with guilt and a tinge of nostalgia..
• Headline: Pension Fund 'Delay' Is Denied in Albany; Wagner Jr. Backs Federal Security Board. Impact: The denial of the pension fund delay led to an increase in conspiracy theories about the government secretly hoarding all the money under a giant inflatable duck in Central Park, sparking a nationwide search for said duck.. Fact: Albany's political landscape is so slow-moving, it makes glaciers look like they are on a caffeine rush..
• Headline: M'ARTHUR TO WIELD METROPOLITAN BATON; Young American to Conduct in 'Tristan' at Boston April 1. Impact: M'Arthur's baton-wielding prowess led to a global resurgence in classical music appreciation, and countless awkward moments when people tried to conduct music in the shower.. Fact: Conducting an orchestra is just like herding cats, except the cats are all holding instruments and looking at you like you owe them money..
• Headline: CHILDREN'S ART ON VIEW; N.Y.U. Shows Bible Scenes-- Adam, Eve in Modern Dress. Impact: The children's art exhibition not only showcased their talents but also started a new fashion trend for adult clothing, with many opting to wear 'Bible Scenes' as a way to avoid having to engage in actual conversations.. Fact: Nothing says 'I understand the complexities of human existence' quite like a crayon drawing of Adam and Eve in jeans and t-shirts..
• Headline: JAPANESE WILL TRY JAMES R. YOUNG; American News Man Indicted at Tokyo Under Army Code. Impact: James R. Young's indictment in Tokyo sparked a wave of anti-American sentiment that led to an increase in the popularity of sushi bars in the U.S., and the eventual rise of avocado toast as a symbol of millennial angst.. Fact: Indictments are just the adult version of being called to the principal's office, but with more paperwork and fewer snacks..
• Headline: REICH SHIP LOSSES IN ARCTIC REPORTED; Two Freighters Said to Have Been Sunk by Allied Patrol --Third Runs Aground Wreckage of Ship Found Germans Reported Frozen In REICH SHIP LOSSES IN ARCTIC REPORTED Battle Reports Denied. Impact: The reported losses of Reich ships in the Arctic caused a series of unfortunate events that ultimately resulted in the invention of the heated blanket, as sailors decided that freezing to death was no longer an acceptable option.. Fact: The Arctic is so cold that even polar bears have been known to ask for a blanket and a hot cup of cocoa. Just kidding, they prefer their cocoa with a side of seal..
• Headline: VIBORG 'KEY' TAKEN; Defense Crisis Is 'Grave' as Reds Open Way Into Harbor BUT NEW LINES HOLD FIRM Repulse of Counter-Attacks Is Announced by Russians-- Battle Rages in North. Impact: The crisis surrounding Viborg's defense led to the invention of the 'Crisis Bingo' game, where players could mark off events like 'Reds Open Way into Harbor' while sipping cocktails and pretending to care about geopolitics.. Fact: Military crises are the perfect excuse for people to gather and discuss strategy over snacks, proving once again that the real battles often happen at the buffet table..