FEBRUARY 23, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic Fund for Clergymen's Pensions. Impact: Raising $3,000,000 for church pensions might just inspire a new trend of wealthy clergymen starting their own reality shows. Imagine 'Keeping Up with the Clergymen'—they'll have more drama than a soap opera.. Fact: In a tragic twist of fate, many clergymen still prefer to stay out of the limelight, despite the dramatic potential. Go figure..
• Headline: Rogge Targets Graft in Multiple States. Impact: This inquiry on graft may unleash a chain reaction that leads to a nationwide 'Corruption Olympics' where the most crooked politicians compete for gold in backroom deals. The winner gets immunity for life!. Fact: The term 'graft' originally referred to a method of growing new plants. In politics, however, it just means you’re growing a new scandal..
• Headline: Human Eye Distinguishes 2,000,000 Color Shades. Impact: With the human eye distinguishing 2,000,000 color shades, we might soon have a new generation who can name every single shade of beige. Welcome to the world of 'beige enthusiasts'!. Fact: In a shocking twist, scientists have found that 1.9 million of those shades are just various gradients of disappointment..
• Headline: DALAI LAMA PLACED ON THRONE OF TIBET; 6-Year-Old Rides in a Golden Palanquin Amid Reverent Crowds in Lhasa Streets WHOLE CITY IS PERFUMED Week's Ceremonies Begin With Colorful Procession That Stretches for a Mile. Impact: The crowning of the Dalai Lama might trigger a chain reaction in which all future leaders are required to ride in golden palanquins. Prepare for a pretty fancy political scene!. Fact: If only we could all have our own palanquins; traffic jams would be a thing of the past. Who needs roads when you can float above them?.
• Headline: MOVE TO SCRAP 'EL' BRINGS A PROTEST BY BRONX LEADER; Head of Chamber There Says Transit Board Disregards Convenience in Borough WEST SIDE HAILS ACTION Quill Calls on City to Honor Closed Shop Contracts on B.M.T. and I.R.T.. Impact: The Bronx leader's protest against scrapping the 'el' could lead to a mass uprising of subway users, eventually resulting in a Broadway musical titled 'El-lament: The Musical'. Break a leg—literally!. Fact: The Bronx is known for many things, but apparently, the subway isn't one of them. Who knew public transport could be so controversial?.
• Headline: 2 STUDENTS SHARE PRINCETON HONOR; SHARE PRINCETON'S HIGHEST AWARD. Impact: When two students share a prestigious award, it paves the way for a new trend where students start sharing everything—grades, notes, even lunch. The future of academia: 'Sharing is Caring'!. Fact: Sharing honors is great until someone takes credit for your group project. Then it’s a whole different story!.