FEBRUARY 13, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Germany and USSR Sign Trade Agreement. Impact: This treaty led to a peculiar friendship where both sides temporarily ignored their hatred for each other. This alliance inadvertently encouraged the production of questionable Soviet appliances that no one really wanted but were somehow a hit in 1980s basement parties.. Fact: Fun fact: This trade treaty was so secretive that even the ink used to sign it was classified. Rumor has it it was a mix of regular ink and a dash of irony..
• Headline: Internees' Flight Denied by Authorities. Impact: The world was briefly spared from an awkward reunion of 'tough guys' who would now have to explain why they hid from their own shadows. Imagine the conversation over coffee: 'So, remember that time we almost escaped? Good times!'. Fact: It's heartwarming to know that governments can coordinate denial as swiftly as they can coordinate inaction. Who knew diplomacy could be so... evasive?.
• Headline: Trade Challenges in North China 1940. Impact: The slowdown in trade meant that many merchants had to pivot to selling artisanal bamboo straws and hand-painted rice bowls, paving the way for the hipster movement of the 21st century.. Fact: Did you know that if trade were a sport, it would be in a perpetual state of 'waiting for the referee'? Spoiler alert: the referee is lost..
• Headline: SOCIALIZED MEDICINE HIT; Surgeons Are Told the Poor Need Food and Shelter Instead. Impact: This revelation shocked the medical community, leading doctors to realize they might need to address social issues instead of just bandaging boo-boos. Who knew healthcare could be so complicated?. Fact: They say laughter is the best medicine, but apparently, food and shelter are the real MVPs. The more you know!.
• Headline: Nazis Scuttle Laden Freighter Off Brazil To Avoid Her Capture by British Warship; GERMANS SCUTTLE SHIP NEAR BRAZIL. Impact: This act of desperation not only sank a ship but also led to a series of 'how not to run a shipping business' seminars in the years that followed. Talk about a sinking feeling!. Fact: Scuttling ships is just like throwing a tantrum—neither solves your problems, but it does get a lot of attention..
• Headline: FRENCH PRESS DRIVE ON REDS, SEIZING 23; Report on Ousted Deputies Is Due Soon--Leaders Interned. Impact: This crackdown on dissent ultimately sparked a trend of 'press freedom' that would lead to more newspapers being thrown out of windows than ever before, as journalists took to extreme measures for a good story.. Fact: In France, getting arrested for being a revolutionary is basically a rite of passage—like getting your first bike or a terrible haircut..
• Headline: WIDOW DEFIES PIT BLAST; Waving Deed to Coal Mine, She Holds Off Workmen. Impact: This brave widow's stand became a symbol of resilience, inspiring future generations to stand their ground against anything from intrusive neighbors to overzealous HOA committees.. Fact: In history, refusing to let people into your property is a time-honored tradition. You could say she really nailed the 'not on my watch' vibe..
• Headline: SOVIET FREIGHTER SAILS, UNLOADED; Vessel That Brought Gold into San Francisco Carries No Cargo Upon Leaving Port TO LOAD COPPER IN MEXICO Crew of Columbus Not Aboard --Plans for Taking On U.S. Merchandise Denied. Impact: This event led to a series of awkward conversations between ship crews and dock workers, ultimately resulting in the invention of the phrase 'empty-handed' during negotiations.. Fact: The idea of sailing without cargo was later adopted by many hipsters trying to live a minimalist lifestyle—proving that history does repeat itself, sometimes in the most bizarre ways..
• Headline: 3 NEUTRAL VESSELS ARE WAR VICTIMS; Netherland and Swedish Ships Torpedoed-Estonian Craft Sinks After Explosion CREWS ESCAPE AIR RAIDS 10 From British Trawler Found in Lifeboat--Two Wounded on Another Vessel. Impact: These attacks on neutral ships led to the birth of the phrase 'you can't be too careful,' and inspired an entire generation to invest in life jackets and excessive caution.. Fact: Fun fact: Being neutral in a war is like being the kid who doesn't pick sides in a schoolyard fight—everyone ends up blaming you anyway..
• Headline: AVILA AIDE IS KILLED; Shot by Doorman of Mexican Presidential Candidate. Impact: This tragic event underscored the dangerous intersection of politics and personal security, leading to a series of political reforms that still leave us wondering—did anyone think this through?. Fact: In politics, sometimes the biggest threats come from within your own circle... or from the guy at the door who really, really doesn't like your candidate..