JANUARY 20, 1940

Full News Archive

• Headline: Paris Introduces Slenderizing Fashion Trends. Impact: The obsession with slenderizing styles not only led to the eternal struggle of the diet industry but also birthed a secret society of models who meet in underground Parisian cafes to complain about their salads. Little did they know, this would later inspire the rise of the 'influencer' culture. Fact: Did you know that the average human body has been on an extreme diet since the dawn of time? Just look at the history of waistlines!.
• Headline: NEW PARLEYS FAIL TO END COAL TIE-UP; LA GUARDIA CONFERS WITH MEDIATOR IN COAL STRIKE. Impact: The failed coal parley made La Guardia a legend in mediating disasters, leading to a future career where he would be known as 'LaGuardia the Confused,' a title he would wear with pride. Fact: LaGuardia turning off the radiators in a conference room was probably his version of ‘let’s not heat things up’—too bad the unions didn't get the memo!.
• Headline: INSULL ASSETS $7,600; Claims Against Estate Are Set at $4,309,700 in Report. Impact: Insull's financial fiasco would ripple through the ages, leading to countless regulations and a generation of accountants who would forever live in fear of the phrase 'claims against estate.'. Fact: Those $7,600 assets could have bought a small island back then! Now, it barely covers a nice dinner.
• Headline: President's Address on Child Report; Strong Family Life Urged. Impact: The President's address on child welfare set off a movement that eventually led to the invention of 'helicopter parenting,' where parents now hover over their children like drones. Fact: E. Curie’s concerns about political rights for children were probably the earliest hints of future debates on whether kids should have social media accounts.
• Headline: N.Y.U. PLANS A TOUR BY SAFETY CARAVAN; Six of Staff to Lecture in 2O States on Accident Prevention. Impact: N.Y.U.'s Safety Caravan would eventually inspire a series of bizarre safety videos featuring professors who thought they could avoid danger by over-explaining everything. Fact: Accident prevention lectures probably had the same effect as a lullaby—everyone fell asleep before they learned anything!.
• Headline: BENJAMIN PHILLIPS, REAL ESTATE MAN; Served on Governor's Board Here and Aided Development of Central Park Section DIES OF HEART AILMENT Held National Speed-Skating Championships in Youth and Was Noted Hockey Player. Impact: The untimely death of Benjamin Phillips sent shockwaves through the real estate community, leading to an unprecedented rise in 'Heart-Ailment Real Estate' agents who specialized in properties with a view—of the afterlife. Fact: Phillips may have been known for his speed-skating and hockey skills, but let’s be honest, he probably fell flat on his face when it came to health.