DECEMBER 26, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: MAPS Cotton Goods Relief Initiative. Impact: If cotton clothing had been excluded, fashion might have never evolved past 'stiff linen'. Who knows, maybe we'd all be wearing potato sacks and call it haute couture.. Fact: Cotton was so popular, it might as well have had its own fan club—complete with T-shirts saying, 'I heart cotton.'.
• Headline: Efficiency Gains Displace Farm Workers. Impact: The migration to cities led to urban sprawl and the creation of the phrase 'there's no place like home' being ironically used by those who lost it.. Fact: Wheat Belt workers probably didn't know that their hard work would lead to the rise of hipsters who romanticize rural life from a distance while sipping overpriced lattes..
• Headline: Roosevelts Celebrate Christmas at Church. Impact: This joyful day in church led to a collective sigh of relief that inspired countless motivational posters—'When in doubt, frolic!' became a national slogan.. Fact: The Roosevelts loved church so much, they probably thought a good sermon could solve world peace. Spoiler: it didn't..
• Headline: HAGUE DEFAULTS AS SANTA; Absent for First Time Since 1917 as Child Patients Get Toys. Impact: The absence of Santa in the Hague led to a nationwide crisis of belief, causing kids to question if Santa was really outsourcing his toy production.. Fact: In 1917, Santa was busy with paperwork, probably trying to get his vacation days sorted out. Who knew he had such a complex HR department?.
• Headline: JAPANESE PUSHING PROPAGANDA WORK; Reports Spread From Hong Kong Attempt to Undermine Unity of the Chinese SOVIET TIE IS EMPHASIZED Chiang Is Pictured as Fighting Communist Control and Southwest Defection. Impact: Japanese propaganda in Hong Kong might have inadvertently led to the rise of many conspiracy theories about world domination—plot twist, it was just a really bad marketing campaign.. Fact: Chiang Kai-shek probably didn't expect to become a historical figure known for fighting communism and bad PR—he should have hired a better PR team..
• Headline: FIRE IN JERSEY RAZES 110-YEAR-OLD CHURCH; Methodist Edifice in Tuckahoe Destroyed at Night. Impact: The destruction of the 110-year-old church resulted in a surge of people claiming they're 'not religious, but love those stained glass windows.'. Fact: Church fires are like the universe's way of reminding us that even sacred places need to be insured—just in case the divine decides to take a vacation..
• Headline: Bellboy Advertises, Gets Dinner. Impact: The bellboy’s dinner advertisement led to the rise of influencer marketing—just a few decades early. Who knew bellhops were the original social media stars?. Fact: Getting a dinner for advertising was probably the most productive thing a bellboy did that year—talk about multi-tasking!.
• Headline: HIGH-PITCH DEAFNESS HELD 'DANGER SIGNAL'; Brown Tests Show Many Un aware of This Ailment. Impact: The revelation about high-pitch deafness led to many people pretending they didn't hear their boss while secretly Googling their own symptoms. Thanks, science!. Fact: High-pitch deafness is so stealthy, it could probably sneak up on you like that one relative at family gatherings who always asks, 'Can you hear me now?'.