DECEMBER 15, 1939

Full News Archive

• Headline: $60,000 Subway Accident Verdict. Impact: This subway accident sparked a wave of lawsuits against public transport systems, leading to the invention of the phrase 'Watch your step!' while simultaneously creating a new market for insurance companies that specialize in 'loss of limb' claims. Fact: Fun fact: $60,000 back then would be equivalent to about $1 million today! So, that guy really won the lottery of limb loss.
• Headline: Australian Society Election. Impact: The election of lay officials in the Australian Society turned into a microcosm of democracy where every future election would be contested, leading to a surprising number of heated debates over who should get the last piece of cake at meetings. Fact: Did you know that 'meeting' is just corporate jargon for 'let's all pretend to care about something we can solve via email'?.
• Headline: Horseback Rider Stricken, Dies. Impact: This tragic death of a horseback rider led to an uptick in awareness around horseback safety, which, funnily enough, also coincided with the invention of the first helmet designed specifically for equestrians—because why not protect the head when the rest of you is already in the air?. Fact: Sadly, horse riding accidents have been around longer than most Olympic sports. So, cheers to equestrian events being the literal wild west of athletics!.
• Headline: COMMUNISTS IN REICH ISSUE PLEA IN RUSSIA; German-Austrian-Czech Paper Urges Workers to Force Peace. Impact: The plea for peace from the German-Austrian-Czech paper sparked a movement that led to the eventual realization that shouting at each other is a less effective strategy than, say, actually negotiating, which inspired future diplomats to up their game with snacks and coffee breaks. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more stubborn than a politician during a peace negotiation is a toddler refusing to share their toy!.
• Headline: BRITISH REBUFFED; Had Asked That Warship Be Required to Leave Within 24 Hours HULL HINTS CONSULTATION Indicates the American States May Confer on Waging of Fight Within Safety Zone U.S. Procedure Differs British Cite Hague Pact URUGUAY PERMITS GRAF SPEE TO STAY Speculation in Berlin. Impact: Uruguay's decision to let the Graf Spee stay longer in port led to a series of maritime legal debates that eventually resulted in the phrase 'You can stay, but just for a little bit longer' becoming a common diplomatic strategy, especially for those awkward family gatherings. Fact: Did you know that the Graf Spee was basically the original 'cool kid' of the sea? Everyone wanted to know where it was going next!.
• Headline: HOSPITAL ELECTS BOARD; Broad Street Institution Names Group of Lay Officials. Impact: The election of a hospital board may have seemed mundane, but it set off a chain reaction of hospital politics that eventually led to the invention of the term 'hospital drama,' which would later inspire reality TV shows. Fact: Did you know that hospital board meetings are basically the Olympics of bureaucracy? Everyone's competing for the gold medal in 'How to Avoid Actual Patient Care!'.
• Headline: NAZI INJURED SHOW NO TRACES OF GAS; Expert Examines Two Men of Raider--Berlin Presses Charge Against British Retaliation Considered NAZI INJURED SHOW NO TRACES OF GAS Futility of Gas Cited. Impact: The denial of the war relief story by Hoover led to an increase in conspiracy theories surrounding presidential decisions, ultimately inspiring generations of armchair historians and internet trolls who thrive on 'what if' scenarios. Fact: Did you know that denying an invitation is basically the adult version of a kid saying 'I wasn't going to invite you anyway'? Classic dodge!.
• Headline: WAR RELIEF STORY DENIED BY HOOVER; Report That He Had Refused Roosevelt Invitation Is Called 'Malicious' STATEMENT BY EARLY Says President Had Tried in Vain to Get Predecessor to Accept Task Day is Also Gives Statement Thumps Desk for Emphasis.